More Than Anxiety: Balance, Confidence & Calm for Ambitious Women

Beat Burnout, Anxiety, & The Guilt Trap: Rest Is Not Weakness

• Megan Devito • Episode 150

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If you are a successful, motivated woman dealing with burnout and anxiety, this is your wake-up call. 

Stop feeling guilty for resting. It’s actually the foundation for your success!

Full Description:

If you are you a high-achieving woman caught in the guilt trap of working when you should rest, and worrying when you should be present? Coach Megan Devito is here to explain why your body is stuck in survival mode and how to break free.

Inside this episode, discover:

  • Why the hustle culture anxiety makes you feel more anxious when you try to rest.
  • The difference between sleep (avoidance) and true intentional rest (strategy).
  • How a regulated nervous system is your secret weapon for incredible clarity, creativity, and confidence.
  • The path to setting firm boundaries without guilt by trusting your own needs.
  • Why you need support to interrupt the cycle. (You can't think your way out of overwhelm and stress.)

Join me for a Boundaries and Balance Audit to discover exactly where to start setting boudaries in your life for more rest and success.   

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to the More Thanksgiving Podcast. I'm Megan DeVito, a coach for ambitious women, seeking more calm, confident, and balanced in their busy lives. If you are tired of juggling all the pieces, grinding your way towards success, and feeling stretched way too thin, this is the podcast for you. Each week, we dig into real strategies for managing stress, setting boundaries to stick, and building the mindset you need to thrive, not just survive. Let's get started. Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of More Than Anxiety. I'm so excited you decided to join me again this week because I am gonna talk to you about how making time for rest and finding success can happen without guilt. If you are stuck in that habit loop of always doing, whether you're at home or you're at work or somewhere in between, if you feel like you're never getting enough done, that there's absolutely no way that you can stress, that you can find rest and relax and still be successful, you're in absolutely the right place. So if you're managing everything at work while simultaneously trying to plan an entire week's worth of dinners, or try to remember permission slips for your kids, or maybe you're responding to emails way after when you should have gone home and just spent time with your family. If you have a constant tab or running dialogue in your brain of everything that you have to do and it never shuts off, if you have that feeling that you're always behind, no matter how much you accomplish, this episode is for you. If we've not met before, my name is Megan DeVito. I am a certified coach who helps successful, motivated women break free from burnout and anxiety so that they can experience calm and confidence at work, set boundaries that actually stick, and have the energy and peace of mind to be fully present for the people and the moments that matter most to them without working, without feeling burned out, without all the extra stress and anxiety. So let's go ahead and get started and talk about that guilt trap. Like when you are at work and you feel guilty that you're not present with your family or the people that you love at home, or maybe that it's you're at home and your brain is completely absorbed with everything that you think that you're supposed to be doing so that you can stay caught up. You're trying to do everything by working more hours and to stay ahead of your list of the expectations that you have. Maybe they're your own expectations, or maybe they're expectations that somebody else put on you. And when you're at home, you feel guilty about all of that work that you're afraid is piling up, or maybe you think that you're not advancing in your career. So you work extra hours, not just occasionally, but as a habit, because stopping feels like you're not doing enough. Or maybe you think you're falling behind, you're not meeting your goals, or maybe you even are afraid that you'll lose your job. When you try to rest, that guilt like you should be doing something, or that you should be doing something productive, it kind of sets in. That idea that, like, oh my gosh, I should not be sitting down right now. There is so much to accomplish. Rest, it makes you feel anxious instead of calm. And yes, that's actually a thing. I've coached so many people that told me, you know what, I don't know what's wrong. I'm not anxious. And when I rest, I get more anxious. I'm going to explain that to you and just recognize that that's been your normal state for a long time. But it doesn't have to stay that way. This is an impossible standard. And you're actually setting yourself up for failure if you keep going this way. So let's talk about how you can start to feel calm and how we can make this better for you. And I want to really begin by talking about the physical and the emotional toll of constantly staying on and feeling awful every time you decide to take care of yourself. I want you to think of it like this this is the kind of exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix. It's mental, it's emotional, yes, it's also physical. It's constant energy that's throwing you forward and trying to get you to the next level, but you're never gonna get there. It's sort of like doing a task that you know you'll never actually complete. I always use laundry as an example. Unless everyone in your house is completely naked and stays that way while you're doing laundry, there's always gonna be another thing to wash. And this is what what you're living in when you're at this place where you're always at work or always thinking about what you think you should be doing somewhere else. So let's talk about the feeling that you might feel. Anxiety is tricky. A lot of people will tell me I feel bad. And yes, you probably do feel bad, but it's more than that. It's a feeling of constantly needing to go, and maybe it's even go faster. It's that feeling that sits in your chest throughout the day and it feels really heavy or maybe heavy and fast at the same time. It's exhausting. It is such a horrible feeling. It was part of my life for so many years, and honestly, it's still part of my life sometimes because I'm human. I have the same kind of emotions that you do. And yes, I've learned how to manage them. I've worked my way out of an anxiety disorder. I've helped other people do the same. But if you're in it and you're like, I don't know any other way of being, it's going to feel normal and comfortable, although also uncomfortable at the same time and really hard to break that habit. So let's talk about what you can do. When I was in that place, when I was back in a constant state of anxiousness, one of the things that felt really easy as a way out for me, and this may not be true for you, it's certainly not true for everybody, was that I needed to sleep. It was the only time I could actually relax. So if I had a day where I had been in a constant state of horrible anxiety, or maybe it was anxiety attacks that had been going on for several days, even weeks, sleep was my exit ramp. It was really the thing that I knew that I could do to escape. But when I woke up, I was right back on. That sleep wasn't rest. It was just me partly avoiding the things that made me feel anxious and also just trying to recalibrate. But I want you to be able to rest without having to completely go unconscious to do it. So if you have that drained feeling where even small decisions feel overwhelming and enormous, things like trying to decide what to wear, trying to decide what to make for dinner, or maybe what to write in an email, all little decisions that can feel impossible when you're always on and always doing or always anxious and stressed. But that feeling like you're running on empty, but that you can't stop or everything's going to fall apart, feeling like you're not really present anywhere because you're worried about everywhere else. This is kind of a paradox of success, right? You think that's what's going to get you to be successful, but it's actually what's going to keep you from getting there. And let's be real honest here. If you're listening to this, because I generally speak to people who are already successful, you've already achieved so much. It's just what you're thinking that's telling you that you're not doing enough or that you're constantly failing. You're waiting for some sign of success or getting close to what you've worked so hard for. And at the same time, you're kind of negating or not paying attention to everything that you've already achieved. And you might say, Yeah, I mean, I know I've done great things, but it just doesn't feel like it's enough or I'm not there yet. You're waiting for that external success or maybe that goal that you set to make you feel better. And you're trying to catch up to something that's maybe impossible to catch. There's a whole Miley Cyrus song about this, right? And I I know I always go back to song lyrics so often, but the whole climb, it's all about the climb. You know that song, right? Like I realize that I'm old and maybe if you're like really young watching this, you don't know. Or maybe if you're older than me, you're like, I missed the Miley Cyrus thing. I get it. But the point is, the more you accomplish, the more you think you should be able to handle or do or push harder or keep going, and you're just like clawing your way to get one step closer, and you're never getting there, you're working towards a destination instead of enjoying the process of getting you there. Cliche, right? Except for here's the thing you're actually pushing yourself closer to quitting or closer to burnout. And those are not the things that are gonna get you the success that you want. So let's talk about this and about how the guilt cycle keeps you stuck. You're guilty for working, you're guilty for resting, and you're never fully present anywhere. We have to create an off-ramp so that you can start celebrating the success that you are achieving along the way and the successes that you've already achieved on the back end that aren't getting the appreciation and the attention they deserve. This is where your nervous system comes in because your body isn't designed to run in fight or flight 24-7. If you feel like you are always stressed, always anxious, and always pushing towards the next thing, when you are constantly activated, your nervous system is in survival mode. But rest allows your nervous system to regulate, it allows you to move from a place of reactivity to responsiveness. And a regulated nervous system is the foundation for everything that you want to achieve. Because when you're doing it from a place of stress and anxiety and overwhelm and burnout, you're going to keep trying to back up. You're going to sabotage yourself, you're going to be too tired, too scattered, and completely out of ideas. And that's not what you're looking for. So let's talk about what rest actually gives you at work. At work, when you are rested, when you are intentionally rested, it gives you presence. You can actually focus on one thing at a time instead of bits and pieces of scattered projects and interactions with people that you love. So let's talk about what rest actually gives you while you're at work. And granted, I'm not talking about taking a nap while you're at work, obviously, but I'm talking about how it makes you more successful when you take time to rest and you can sneak rest into your workday. It gives you presence, it gives you an ability to focus on one thing at a time instead of little bits and pieces of scattered projects or interactions with people, coworkers, where you're like, oh, what did we talk about? I don't even remember. It gives you clarity. It helps you find solutions more easily because your brain isn't in overdrive and trying to do five projects or 10 projects at once. It gives you creativity. Your best ideas come when your mind has space to wander and to connect dots. And you might be thinking, ooh, do not give my brain time to wander. This is something that I hear so often. And I see it, I saw it when I was still in the classroom when I was still teaching. I see it sometimes with my own kids and even sometimes with myself. We are at a place in human, we could call it evolution, I suppose, where we are incapable of handling boredom. We always are able to scroll and get dopamine. Our phones have made us absolutely incapable of handling boredom, but boredom and free thinking is what allows us to imagine new solutions and to come up with new ideas. And yes, I understand that sometimes letting your mind wander can feel scary and it can go down some pretty dark rabbit holes, especially if you are wired to be a little more anxious. I have another podcast episode about that. It's episode 75. Um, it's called Letting Go of Negative Thoughts so that you can be your authentic self and really learning to watch your thoughts as if they're just floating by. I think one time I heard the example of watching the clouds in the sky. I like that. I think that was a good way for me to be able to kind of visualize it. You might think of it as watching cars go by, but letting your brain have space to wander and to actually be bored, getting past that boredom intolerance so that you can think creatively, so that you can focus. And another thing it allows you to do while you're at work, when you take time to rest, is to make better decisions. You make better choices when you're not operating from a place of lack or depletion. You're more efficient. And ironically, working from a rested place gets you, ironically, working from a rested place makes it easier for you to get things done in less time without the stress, the multitasking, or the rushing. Now let's talk about what rest gives you at home. You get to be present with your family or your friends or your pets or whatever it is that you want to do at your home. You get to engage without your mind spinning on work tasks. You have more patience. So you have more emotional bandwidth for the ups and the downs of home life. Your kid comes home with a bad grade, you get into an argument with your spouse, or you get an unexpected bill, and instead of freaking out, you're able to handle it better. So there's less arguing, there's less scrambling, there's less stress, there's less worry. And you get a lot more joy. You can actually enjoy moments instead of just checking off boxes like yes, did the soccer game, yes, did this thing, yes, went to the party. You're there. You get to be with the people and feel all the happiness and the goodness and the togetherness and closeness and relationships and love and joy. These are the things we're seeking. Yes, success. And so much of the success that we want is a celebration and something that we want to share with other people. And you're also showing the other people in your life that your worthiness is not tied to productivity. So they learn to relax too, so that their nervous systems are more calm, more collected, and then they can repeat those great lessons that you're teaching them. But I want to talk for a minute about what rest is and what rest isn't. Rest isn't just sleep. Remember when I told you that I was anxious and I would sleep it off because I had to clear my head? That's true. I had to sleep to clear my head. I had no emotional regulation skills. I was deep into an anxiety disorder. Rest is not just sleep though. Although, yes, please sleep. It's moments of doing nothing. It's staring at a window. It's watching the rainfall. It's slowing down enough to enjoy a cup of coffee before you head out the door for work. It's saying no to things that don't light you up, that feel like a giant no inside your body that normally you would say yes to. It's saying, you know what, I'm gonna say no this time. It's saying yes to the things that get you super excited about your life and what you can give to other people. It's recognizing that your worth is not measured by your output. Rest is active. It is self-care. It is not laziness, it is not passive. Rest could be going out to play catch in the yard with your kids, or it might be a nap in a hammock, or it might be watching a movie, or it could be weeding your garden. Those can all be forms of rest. There's not a right way or a wrong way. It doesn't mean you're being lazy. It just means you're taking care of yourself and doing something that fills your bucket. That's important. A well-regulated nervous system is your secret weapon. It helps you be more focused, more creative, more present everywhere you show up, whether it's at work or as at home. So let's talk about how coaching helps really bridge that gap from knowing to doing, that role of support, and why you can't think your way out of the habits that you're already in. Here's why. You know something needs to change. You know you need to take time to rest, and you want to do it, but your nervous system is keeping you stuck. That's what happens. So you know it's important, right? The problem is really deeply ingrained in the patterns, the beliefs, and how your body feels. So you need support to interrupt that cycle. You don't need more information, you don't need to know how to rest. You just need to feel okay and safe to do it. So when we talk about coaching, what I've done help with my own clients and what I coach myself on all the time is really building the confidence in yourself to know that you can be successful and rest. Not when I rest or after I'm successful, I'll rest. But really having that confidence to trust yourself and your decisions, to let go of that need to prove your worth through always doing something else. And as we develop that confidence, you start to set boundaries without guilt. You say yes to the things that you know are for you, that are exciting, that feel really good, and you let go of the guilt of saying no to the things that aren't for you. Even when somebody says, But I really wanted you to, you'd be so good at it. I really want you there. If you know it's not for you, I want to help you build the confidence to be able to say yes and no, so that you are feeling fulfilled, so that you are sharing that excitement and that fulfillment with other people. It's creating a new identity for yourself, not the person who is the yes man or the yes woman anymore. And it comes from creating calm in your body and your mind so that you know what's for you, so that you can say, wait, I know myself better. I know what I need to do and to believe that. And we do that by practicing how to regulate your nervous system in real time. Finding practices that work for you in your actual life so that you don't have to sneak off to the bathroom to feel better, so that you can actually do it at your desk without anybody knowing, or in the boardroom, or at your kids' game or swim meet. Learning to recognize when you're running on stress versus operating from a place that is grounded and authentic is so important. And building that capacity to handle stress because stress is part of life. I want you to know how to handle it, but I want you to know how to handle it without being controlled by it, without having to completely fall apart before you start to say, whoa, hit the brakes. I need a rest. Let's find your version of success. Let's figure out what success actually means to you, not what you've been told it should mean, because not everybody has the same level of success. Not everybody wants the same things. And success to one person may not be what it is for you. And it's okay to admit that that's not your thing. You don't have to go after somebody else's goal. Let's create a structure that supports your ambition, but also that is sustainable so that you feel good, so that you've got the energy to be present at work and at home. Let's learn that you can be successful without sacrificing yourself or your family and figure out that rest and success are not opposites. They're actually partners. They have to go together because the people who are finding the most success in this world, yes, they're hard workers. Yes, they're smart and creative, but it's because they take care of themselves and they take time to rest. I want you to have good accountability. I want you to have all of the great perspective shifts that you need to find what you're looking for. So having someone who's in your corner, who's ready to see those patterns and call you out with all the love in the world is where it's at. If you do not have a coach, find one. If you're like, I don't know one, I am one. Let's talk about how I can help you or who I can hook you up with that might be a better coach for you. You guys deserve to feel great. You deserve to have sustainable changes and not just temporary fixes. You deserve to take care of yourself. And I want you to remember that you cannot think your way out of overwhelm, stress, or anxiety. You have to go into your body and you need support to be able to change the patterns that are keeping you stuck. It's not hard. It's actually really simple, but it does take intention and it does take a little bit of time. And it takes somebody calling you out on the things that you're doing on repeat without even noticing it. So remember, you do not have to choose between success and rest. Rest is not weakness, it is strategic, and your nervous system is either working for you or against you. If you are ready to stop running on empty and to start creating sustainable success, coaching can help. So here's how you can work with me. You can check the notes at the end of this video or at the end of this podcast, wherever you're listening, and there are links there. You can check out my website, I've got free resources like crazy on there. And if you're thinking, you know what, free resources are great, but I'm ready to go all in and I want help. Let's just talk about what that might look like. You deserve to feel good. You do not have to stay exhausted. And this is possible. It's not gonna take that long. You guys can do it. I'm cheering for you. I'm here, and I will be back again next week for another episode. I cannot wait to talk to you again. Then don't forget to subscribe, leave a comment or a review if you're watching this on YouTube. I reply to all of the comments I get on my podcasts and on YouTube. I love hearing from you and I'm cheering for you all the time. Thanks for listening to More Than Anxiety. If this episode helped you see things differently or take action, leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. It's a really great way to help other people find the show. And if you want more support between episodes, you can follow me on social media. The links are all in the show notes, or head over to Megandevito.com where I share free tools, tips, and content just for ambitious women who are ready to feel more balanced and confident. Until next time, take a breath, set a boundary, and remember you are more than your anxiety.