Ep 139 - Trying to Fix Everyone? Let’s Talk Boundaries, Control, and Real Calm with Dr. John Page

Feeling overwhelmed and stressed by your relationships? Wishing for more calm, confidence, and time for yourself, without giving up your hard-earned success?

In this episode, I chat with the brilliant Dr. John Page about how trying to fix others often fuels our own relational anxiety and daily frustration. We're cutting through the noise to help you grow your personal confidence and create a fulfilling life that truly works for you.

Here's what we cover to help you gain control and feel calm:

• Why expecting others to change keeps you feeling stuck and constantly frustrated.
• The fundamental truth: you can only change yourself and your reactions.
• How to effectively check your thoughts because our brains often think dumb crap that creates unnecessary drama.
• The profound difference between giving up and the empowering act of freeing yourself by truly letting go.
• Owning your 1%: Taking responsibility for your small part so you can transform any relationship dynamic.
• Why accepting others as they are is key to feeling calm, confident, in control of yourself, and allowing others to take responsibility for their own personal growth.

Ambitious Overthinkers Anonymous is a community for high-achieving women ready to stop overthinking, manage stress, and build confidence. You can learn all about what's inside and sign up now HERE.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Relational Anxiety
• 7:38 The Illusion of Changing Others
• 14:42 Relationships in Different Life Seasons
• 24:05 True Friendship and Connection
• 33:04 Honest Conversations and Expectations
• 41:55 Letting Go vs. Giving Up

Transcript

Trying to Fix Everyone? Let’s Talk Boundaries, Control, and Real Calm with Dr. John Page

Are you constantly driving towards success, yet secretly feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or stuck when it comes to your relationships? 

Do you wish you felt calm, had unshakable confidence, and time for yourself without having to give up your relationships, career, time and energy?

I get it. I'm wired for action and efficiency, and when things aren't flowing, that frustration can quickly take over. 

So often, the hidden drain on our energy isn't a lack of effort, but the exhausting, ineffective cycle of trying to change the people around us. It's time to find a new way forward: one where your relationships fill you up, instead of draining you dry.

In a recent dynamic conversation with the brilliant Dr. John Page, we get to the bottom of all the advice you've already read to expose the truth about relational anxiety and why it's been holding you back. 

We explored why the exhausting cycle of trying to fix other people often leads to our own stress and feelings of being stuck. 

Here's what we discussed that can lead you to real calm and empowered connections:

Stop Struggling: Why Trying to Change Others Doesn't Work 

(And What Does)

We often find ourselves trapped in the belief that if someone else would change, whether it's a spouse, a child, or a colleague, then we could finally feel better. We invest so much energy in hoping they'll do this, or stop doing that, only to feel more frustrated and annoyed. 

The truth is, you can never change anyone else. You can only change yourself and how you react to and with them. 

It's not about giving up; it's about a profound act of liberation.

• The Power of Acceptance: When you truly accept others as they are - their quirks, their habits, their unique ways of processing life - you actually create space for them to grow and evolve on their own terms. This radical acceptance can dramatically reduce conflict and tension in your relationships.
• Embracing Different Paths: Understand that growth doesn't happen at the same pace for everyone. Someone else might be making significant transformations in their life (like a new career or a personal loss), while you're in a different season. Accepting these different paces, even when it's uncomfortable, is key to creating changes for them and you.

Master Your Mindset: How Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

Have you ever noticed how your brain creates scary scenarios before a difficult conversation, already "knowing" how it's going to go? Our thoughts are incredibly powerful, and, our brains can think dumb crap in no time. This internal dialogue often fuels anxiety and keeps us stuck.

• Check Your Thoughts, Change Your Feelings: Your feelings are valid, but they come from what you think. Paying attention to your thoughts makes it so you can challenge those unhelpful and false narratives. Just because a thought crosses your mind doesn't mean you have to invite it in for coffee.
• Focus on Your 1%: Even in the most challenging relationships, where you might feel it's 99% their fault, there's always a small piece, your other 1%, that you can control. Focusing on your part is incredibly empowering and shifts the entire dynamic.

Your Control: Boundaries, Letting Go, and Real Calm

For successful, motivated, ambitious women, the desire to control things can be extra strong. You're used to calling the shots. But true power comes from knowing what is yours to hold, and what is yours to release.

• The Difference Between "Giving Up" and "Letting Go": Giving up implies being done; a period at the end of a sentence. But letting go is an intentional act of releasing some of that control. It opens space for others to take responsibility for themselves, and for you to focus on your energy and what is important to you.
• Parenting Teenagers: This applies powerfully to parenting as well. As your kids grow, your role shifts. Your 17-year-old's homework is their task, not yours. Letting go of control allows them to learn from their own experiences and become responsible for themselves.
• Choosing Your Inner Circle: You don't need a massive circle of friends to feel connected. Identify the few people you'd truly drive two hours to visit in the hospital. Those are your core connections. Investing in these authentic relationships provides real support and reduces feelings of loneliness tied to unrealistic expectations.

This process isn't always easy, but is simple, and it's incredibly rewarding. It's about confidently choosing your own thoughts, feeling your emotions, and creating relationships that you love.

Psst... Dr. John Page has a new book out that you don't want to miss. You can purchase Life Without Words on Amazon right now!