More Than Anxiety

Ep 131 - Career Changes and Combating Burnout with Laura Flowers

• Megan Devito • Episode 131

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In this episode of More Than Anxiety, I chat with transformational life coach and former school psychologist Laura Flowers about all things burnout, especially for those in education and the corporate world.

We cover:

  • Recognizing the signs and symptoms of burnout - from physical exhaustion to emotional reactivity.
  • Navigating burnout - including options like mental health leave and practical self-care strategies.
  • The importance of mindset and resilience - and how to tell the difference between anxiety and intuition.

You can connect with Laura at: 

Laura Flowers Coaching

Facebook:  Facebook

IG:  Instagram

LinkedIn:   Laura Flowers | LinkedIn

YouTube:  (1) Laura Flowers - YouTube

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Megan Devito:

Hey there, welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I help ambitious women break out of the anxiety spiral so they can stop overthinking and actually enjoy life. This podcast is all about real talk, simple shifts and light bulb moments that'll change the way you think, feel and show up for yourself and everybody else in your life too. You'll get straight up truth, actionable steps and the inspiration to finally break free from the stress and second guessing. Let's get to it.

Megan Devito:

Hey everybody, thank you for tuning in again to More Than Anxiety podcast. This is episode 131 with Laura Flowers. I'm super excited to be able to talk with her about a topic that you have heard me talk about so often, to get some reinforcement so that you understand how important it is for you all to start taking care of yourselves. So, Laura, thank you so much for joining me. Could you just introduce yourself? Tell everybody what you do.

Laura Flowers:

Hi Megan. Thank you so much for inviting me to be on your podcast. I'm so thrilled to be here and to talk with your audience about a topic that is truly near and dear to my heart. But just a little bit about myself. I am a transformational life coach right now, and my specialty is helping women that are in transitional phases in their career because they are likely experienced certain levels of burnout or misalignment, and so the reason that I am so passionate about this topic is because I know it all too well. I lived it for such a long time, and I'll share just a little bit about my past. So my background is a school psychologist.

Laura Flowers:

I have been a school psychologist for 18 years. I'm so passionate about mental health, particularly anxiety and depression, and so that's what really drew me into getting into the field of school psychology, and for the longest time. It was a wonderful career path and I felt really aligned and jazzed up and lit up to be doing the work that I was doing, because I knew that I was making such a positive impact on my students' lives and the families that I worked with. But over time in the field of education, things kind of evolved and shifted and changed and I found that my career, which I once loved so much, was evolving into something that really didn't fit. I was finding that my caseload was growing, even exponentially, my paperwork load was just becoming off the charts. The requirements for me to go to so many different meetings and wear so many different hats and provide professional development, just going and, going and going.

Laura Flowers:

And so, you know, I'm one person and I did the best that I can because I really value being, you know, providing high quality services. But I realized, you know, for maybe the past several years, that it was taking a toll, that I was definitely not feeling as excited about waking up every morning and going to work. I was definitely having more trouble sleeping, experiencing the Sunday scaries to like exponential degrees, like that feeling of dread, noticing like just physical symptoms in my body coming up like headaches, fatigue, muscle tension, neck pain. So it just like there were all of these signs that were just kind of piling up and piling up and then it kind of just got to a breaking point where, like this, something has got to shift. I don't know how, I don't know what, but I just know that this isn't working for me anymore and I need to do something.

Megan Devito:

Everything. You just said, yes, yeah, and it's funny, you know, when things start lining up and you're like, okay, wow, I just obviously you're on the right track, because things just start flowing in one direction. It's so I love that this episode is coming out when it's coming out.

Megan Devito:

Episode 129, two before yours, is an interview I did with Lisa Perry, who I also met on LinkedIn, and she is a superintendent, she is a teacher, she is on the South Dakota board, like she does all this work at the state of South Dakota for, you know, helping teachers develop resilience and to love their jobs again. Because if you've worked in education, you know right, this is not a mystery to any of us that have done this. So for teachers who are just finding this podcast, I feel like they've fallen to a sweet spot because, yes, I've talked so much about stress and about anxiety and how that looks in all these different forms in your life and what you can do about it. But lately I just keep coming across more people talking about education and since you and I both came from the education field, yes, yes, and that's why you and I, I think, connect so well, because we speak the same language.

Laura Flowers:

You know, we went into this field because we truly want to make a positive impact in the lives of other people, but the system that we are working in has been constraining, and you know that's a whole other topic which you know, I'm sure a lot of educators would be really interested in exploring and sharing their stories as well, because I don't think that our stories are unique. You and I think that this is such I'm going to use a big word an epidemic, because I mean, I'm seeing and I'm in the state of Connecticut, I'm seeing these highly qualified teachers just leaving the field in so such large numbers and it's alarming. And I think that you know we, we as a country, really need to look at that if we want to, if we value education and if we want to keep and retain quality teachers.

Megan Devito:

That's a whole nother can of worms, right now

Laura Flowers:

Sure is

Megan Devito:

We won't go there today, but we might someday in the future. Yeah, but when we look at that, I know that when I spoke with Lisa Perry, she mentioned really working on your mindset, working on resilience, working on all these things that you can do on a personal level when you're like I want to love this job and I want it to be something like that. But I do think and I do think that's really valuable for teachers that are like no, like I'm not looking to leave, I want to learn to love it. But I think there's a flip side to that and I love that you that we can cover both areas, because I would never want, for me personally, I knew it was time to go right, like I'm, and I remember telling them like you should not want me to stay, you shouldn't even try to make me stay.

Megan Devito:

Like I love you and you should be like go get it, like get out of here. I don't want teachers who are at that point to stay, but, on the other hand, yeah, so yes, and it retained those teachers who are looking for ways to do that. But let's talk about the other side. Let's talk about teachers who are burntout, because I've talked so much about burnout and like that very thin line between being overwhelmed and being burnout.

Laura Flowers:

Right, and I think that you know this. Yes, it's true for teachers, but it's also, in my practice, true for people that are in other professions as well, like I work with. Some of my clients are like analysts in a bank or trying to manage all these different companies, and there, for a variety of reasons, I'm using the word burnout because I'm noticing a thread of very similar patterns of symptoms that are showing up, whether you're a burnt out teacher, burnt out CEO, whatever it is. So I think it shows up like in many different ways I touched on some of it at the start physical symptoms. I think it's. That's a big one for some of my clients in particular. They would.

Laura Flowers:

These healthy people will go exercise, go to the gym, do their running, and then all of a sudden their bodies are shutting down Like they literally they're in so much physical pain and tension, or it's just manifesting in these ways that it's just screaming something has got to give.

Laura Flowers:

And so I've seen people that look at it just from the physical perspective and say let me go to the doctor, let me see if I need to change my diet or do something else, not realizing that it's a symptom of the overall problem of a larger burnout that you're experiencing. And, emotionally, what it can look like at is that you come home after work and then maybe, maybe your kid spilled some juice on the counter and you freak out at them and lose your mind, right Like that's.

Laura Flowers:

And that's not fair for your family too, because like it's not their fault, but but we're, we're so heightened because of you know, anxiety comes up too. We're such in a state of like fight, flight, freeze that we have no ability to tolerate discomfort and we unload on the people that are closest to us our partners, our children, our best friends. So so those are some signs that, okay, some something is not in alignment here and I need to maybe look at whether I need to look at how I can be happier within the career that I'm currently in, because that is definitely a possibility and there are ways to do that. Or is it time for me to make a shift, and what would that look like and how? How could that play out in my life?

Megan Devito:

Yeah, and not jumping to. You know, if you are that person that wants to stay, no one's going to shove you out.

Laura Flowers:

No.

Megan Devito:

And if you are that person that wants to leave, my hope would be that your boss would wish you well and find someone who wants to be there. So when you're navigating that I it just reminds me of um, I'd worked with a client it was two or three years ago now and she had this amazing company that she worked for. I like that you brought corporate into this, because I certainly don't want to speak just to education, but she was working in a corporate position and one of the things that her company offered her was a mental health leave, like a paid mental health leave, which was I'm like, please shout it to the world that this is an option, because if it's an option at your company, it is not just your company. I mean kudos to them. That's amazing.

Megan Devito:

But knowing that that's out there for people and for her, for her experience and what we worked on, a lot was just her trying to figure out the right direction. And she was funny because she was like I'm going to go in, I'm going to ask for, I'm going to create this position, I'm going to ask for this raise, I'm going to do all these things, and she's telling me she's working at night, she's doing all the things that got her to the point where she also said or I'm just going to quit, I'm out. And I was like wow that's a big jump.

Laura Flowers:

It is, but I think that's the thing Like. Sometimes we're like in such a state of overwhelm that we can't see that there are micro steps that can be taken that we don't need to. Sometimes jumping ship is the correct decision, and I'm not taking away from that but but not always and sometimes you need to really look and explore and see are there, are there things that I can do that will give me a renewed sense of purpose or help recharge me or fill my cup up so that I can love my job again? And seriously, kudos for offering mental health leaves, and I think we need to talk about that more that companies are doing this, companies are offering this, and if companies are offering it, then we need to not be afraid to take advantage of those sorts of things, because sometimes having a brief mental health leave can provide the ability to recharge, to take a step back, to look at what your true passions and values are and make some decisions about what needs to shift.

Laura Flowers:

Do I need to create some boundaries? Do I need to cut some things out? Do I need to add in some things that light me up more on a personal level? I mean, it's really hard to do that when you're working a full-time job and maybe being a full-time wife and mom and all the things you know to have time to self-reflect. So if your company offers a mental health leave and you're feeling this intense sense of overwhelm, look into that. It might be a really wonderful and valuable option for you to give you some tools.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, I'm wondering how common that is. For her. I was, I remember, thinking that is incredible. I like, yes, I knew it was an option or something that, if it wasn't an option, could potentially be an option. But the fact that they spoke right up and said, hey, why don't you do this? I mean it shows us sometimes what, even though she may have been questioning for whatever reason, she was overworking. We know that it's what we think about ourselves, the situations, things like that. Whatever she was thinking and she had a lot of thoughts about where she was in her business, like her ability, things like that but for them to recognize that she had so much value in that company.

Laura Flowers:

Yeah, I think not enough companies are doing it for sure. I think you know I'm I'm encouraged to hear that. You know there are more stories popping up of this, of this coming up, but I think that what people need to know is that there is something called FMLA and it's not just for when you have a baby or when there's a death in your family or things like that. It can be used for mental health as well, and I don't know if that is advertised or talked about, but I think we need to normalize it and it's okay to need to take a leave of time and if your company offers FMLA, you can and you are working with a therapist or a doctor that recognizes that you have some mental health challenges that need to be addressed more fully. I want people to not feel shame or stigma or embarrassment for utilizing that as a viable option, whether your company advertises that, yes, you can do this or not.

Laura Flowers:

You know I'll share, like I myself, like years ago, had something happen in my life where I just was really struggling with getting up and going to work in the morning and because I had some very significant mental health things that I was dealing with based on a significant event that happens in my life.

Laura Flowers:

And then it took one of my good friends and colleagues to be like Laura, like, have you considered using FMLA for this? And it was just a light bulb that went off in my head that I know I hadn't I hadn't in any way, shape or like form, thought that this could be something that could be helpful for me, but I did it. I took maybe four to six weeks off I don't remember the exact amount of time but in that time I went to therapy two, three times a week. I did some serious like introspective work. I worked on myself, I journaled, I meditated, like I said, I did the work with my therapist and then I was able to like expedite my healing process so that I was able to reenter my job feeling like I'm ready to do this. I am in a much better emotional place, I am healed. And now here I am. And then I was able to, you know, be the best employee that I could be at that time.

Megan Devito:

I love that you did that and I love that you actually took that time and did the work, because that work is scary and it's not. I mean, it's not like, oh, I took FMLA and then I just stayed at home and like binge Netflix and like really rested. No, that is not what it is. It's anybody that's like recovery, that's so good and I'm like, yeah, it sucks.

Laura Flowers:

It's hard, yeah, and Megan, thank you for saying that Because, yeah, no, I wasn't like sitting on my couch with my feet up eating bonbons, just like getting better, although you know like you have to do the work. And doing the work is hard and that's why not everybody does it, because if it was easy we would all do it, We'd all go to therapy, we'd all look at our demons. But it's hard, it brings up a lot of trauma for some people, me included. You need to re-experience, you need to work through in a protected and supported environment and you need to create some new thought patterns, mindset shifts, and that requires time, effort, persistence and you can't at least for me so much crying oh, my goodness, all the tissues. But this is like the value of it. This is why you need to do the work. And if I hadn't done that and this was like maybe 10 years ago at this time If I hadn't done that, there's no way that I would have gained the perspective and the resilience that I was able to from doing the work.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, it just reminds me of. It's really the idea of you would never build a house and not put screws into things, right, you wouldn't be like we'll just set this here for now and screw it in later. If you don't go back and do that work and you just keep building around it, it will collapse, right, like you have to have those things in there holding things in place, and so, yeah, that work is scary. And one of the things that I hear so often from people is like I think especially as I mean you as more of I mean, since you did do school psychologist like you have the more of the like therapeutic background or the more psychological background, but me just coming in as a coach, I think, either way, if you told somebody, hey, I want you to go to the doctor because you have the flu, they'd be like, yeah, absolutely yeah, give me the medicine. You say, hey, I think you should go to therapy, or you should talk about this with a coach. They're like, no, I don't think so right.

Laura Flowers:

And why is that? Because I think there's this stigma that if you suggest a coach or therapy, that means you're weak or that you don't have the skills to do something on your own. No, and I love that life coaching actually has the term coach in it, because you think of the most elite, highest performing people in the world, whether they are athletes, whether they are musicians, you know, whatever their craft is, you better believe that they had a coach guiding them along the way. Because if you could figure it all out and gain the skills on your own and do it like, everybody would do it.

Laura Flowers:

But like seeing a coach, seeing a therapist and I and I cheerlead both of those so much for so different reasons Like it is, it is the biggest gift you can give to yourself because it gives you that edge, it gives you that skill, it gives you that consistency and the accountability and the roadmap that you need to make the change that you want in a much quicker and a more efficient way than if you try to figure it out yourself by like researching YouTube or reading books. Like all of that is great and you can get so far consuming information on your own, but when you have somebody working with you, providing individualized support for you. You're going to see that you're going to grow so much bigger, so much faster, and it's a wonderful thing.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, and you don't end up hopscotching around like I'll try this tip, I'll try this tip, I'll try this. There's a million of them and they all work. Right, yay, right, like, yay that we have all of these different things that we can do, but you just pick one, let's make it so much simpler.

Laura Flowers:

Instead of trying to get kind of good at a million different things, pick one and master it, you know. Pick one and and learn it inside and out. Make it part of your DNA and , and you will just be amazed at the growth that you see in yourself.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, so when you have somebody that you're working with and they're talking about burnout, like, what are you seeing in terms of trends?

Megan Devito:

Because we've talked very briefly about education and about corporations, but I feel like we're on the cusp of some really weird things. I mean, okay, I've been saying this for like five years now, but things are weird, right, we all know it. I'm not saying anything earth shattering here, everything's weird. But especially right now, with lots of people losing their jobs unexpectedly, when maybe they thought that they weren't, they thought things were secure, for whatever reason, we thought things were going to be this way and they're this way, or you thought they were going to be one way and they're not, I feel like we're just, and maybe maybe by the time this episode airs, it'll all be reversed, but in the time being, for today, there are a lot of people out there that don't know if they'll have a job tomorrow, and so burnout, yes, but also just that fear of everything surrounding jobs and employment. There's a lot of security that comes with that, right, and what are you seeing in terms of what people are doing, whether it's overwhelm or burnout, because that again, that line it is a line.

Laura Flowers:

It is a line and I think you know.

Laura Flowers:

When you bring up the point of people losing jobs unexpectedly right now, it makes me think about people's identity as well, because a lot of who we think we are as a human, for better or worse, we tie it into what we do for our work that away, either voluntarily or involuntarily, depending on if it's your choice or if somebody imposed it upon you. It leaves a lot of those like existential questions of like who am I? What is my purpose? I thought that this is what I was going to be doing for the next 20 years or so, and now it is no longer part of who I am, and so that can show up in some significant mental health challenges as well. Like you could see symptoms of depression or anxiety and and like what, everything that goes along with that of just avoiding things and you know, withdrawing or sleeping too much or eating too much. It's just, you know it's. That's it. Like when you, when you challenge somebody's identity like you, you I don't know if you realize how much that impacts every single part of their life.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, it does, it does and you know you can be. I think it's fair when you were talking of being overwhelmed or getting to that point of burnout at work where you're stretched so thin whatever you're doing and you come home and your kid spills their juice and you snap that same situation when you're on the back end of it, like I didn't choose to leave, I wasn't burnt out, and I'm still leaving.

Laura Flowers:

All of those experiences and just knowing that your nervous system is on fire and that you're just reacting, reacting, reacting, when we can become aware and label that our nervous system is being hijacked or overreacting like that is a huge step to take. A lot of people have a lot of difficulty with the self-awareness piece of like. I snapped at my kid right now and instead of thinking, oh wow, like this is a disproportionate reaction to what actually happened, and then I need to look at my nervous system and why I'm doing that. A lot of people don't do that and they're just like ah, my kid's driving me crazy, work's crazy, my family's crazy, this is just too much and you're just like angry at life, angry at everyone, and that's not helpful for you, it's not helpful for your family. But when you're able to start recognizing, okay, like I just did something, said something that was not the best version of myself and I'm not proud of that, and like I think it's because I'm feeling overwhelmed or I think it's because my anxiety has gotten to a threshold that I need to take a look at, like just being able to put that into words is a huge step, and the more we as a society are having conversations about this, it's going to help to normalize it so that when we can attach language to it that is more in alignment with what's actually happening. It takes away some of the chaoticness of it and it just helps us to make order out of it. And then, when, when our brains can make order out of things, we're better able to make decisions about how to move forward and how to pivot if we need to, if we're not happy with the decisions or the reactions that we're having.

Megan Devito:

I like that you said make order out of it. I like to remind people that when your body feels really anxious, your brain is out of order. Right? We know that when your emotions are high, your thinking is low, and so the rule has always been for the people that I work with if you feel anxious, we're not allowed to believe anything that we think right, just shut that off. Calm this down first. Calm down your body first. Then we can talk about thoughts. But having your thoughts in order Sometimes, when you're anxious, they can feel like they're really important. In order.

Laura Flowers:

Yeah, it is. It's like it's a very loud and they're very like insistent. So it's like okay, because they're so loud and repetitive, and over and over, it has to be truth, right, because there's no other reason.

Megan Devito:

It's crazy, but it must be true.

Laura Flowers:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I keep thinking about it and it's really so, it's gotta be true, like um.

Laura Flowers:

And one way to make order out of it also, um, is to realize that anxiety is not necessarily a bad thing and it is not necessarily an enemy. It could be a signal for you that something is not working and the anxiety is being manifested in whether how you're feeling, how you're interacting with others. And so when we have that level of self-awareness to be like, okay, my body is doing something right now, that's a sign for me to slow down and, like you said, like take care of what's going on here before I start making logical decisions about my future and what needs to happen. Like that's really, really important, because I agree with you, like no big decisions should be being made when we are in that state, because, even though it's so loud and persistent and it's just, our logical brain shuts down in direct proportion to our emotional state.

Megan Devito:

And I think that again we go back to that. It's logical and anybody that tries to tell me that it just makes sense and I'm like but if it's an anxious thought, it's going to feel loud, it's going to feel fast, it's going to feel important, and there it might seem logical in the moment, but it's the most illogical thing, Like it doesn't. Like when you calm down you'll be like wow, yes, what was?

Laura Flowers:

I thinking Right, right, and once you realize when your body is regulated and you think back to that decision and is that the right thing? A lot of the times, like you said, you'll be like I'm so glad I didn't make that decision. And you know what I think this manifests too. Like just I'm gonna do a little bird walk right here, really really angry or upset about something, and we write this amazing text or email that articulates all the reasons why I'm pissed off at you or why you wronged me, or why this is wrong, and we're so ready to hit send because, like it's so loud and we're amped up. How many times have we done that? And then like we're like, shoot, I wish I could reel that back and take that back.

Megan Devito:

I'm so guilty. I like, oh gosh, there's. I did it this one time and I swore I would never do it again, because I was so embarrassed afterwards, mostly because of grammar, but it was, I was. It was scathing Like I was angry and it was the. It was terrible decision, yeah.

Laura Flowers:

Right, and I've been guilty of it too. That's why I bring it up, because now, like, that is a thought that I deliberately will have if I find myself reaching to write like this really response to let the other person know all the things. Like, no, if I really want to send this same message when I am regulated and calm and not in a reactive state, if I still feel strongly that this needs to be sent, okay, maybe, maybe I'll send it. But if I am feeling like, whew, hey, I really dodged a bullet on that one, let me just delete that now and hopefully I'll never revisit that again. Like, oh, you could save yourself so much, so much drama.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, a lot of embarrassment. Thank God for hindsight, because I mean that was one of those live and learn moments. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it is, and it's so important to know that, even when we're in that moment, even when we're in that place, there is that whisper, like you sure Are you sure Are you sure. Hard to hear, though, isn't it?

Laura Flowers:

Yeah, and being able to pay attention to that whisper because that's our intuition and that's something I'm really really big on as well is helping people learn to recognize when their intuition is showing up and trusting it. And because your intuition always leads you in the right way and so it's. Sometimes it, sometimes your intuition, does show up as the quiet whisper. Sometimes it's much bigger and louder, but knowing that it's there and so if that quiet whisper is like, are you sure you want to send that? Take a pause, at least take a pause and give it time.

Megan Devito:

I think that's a thought worth going a little deeper on, because that's a question that comes up often. If somebody messages me on social media or I'll talk to somebody just wherever and we'll be like hey, I was going to ask you this question about anxiety or whatever, and like how do I know if it's anxiety and intuition? Well, how do I know that's true? Because I know, and you know, that there's value in that right, like they'll say, well, intuition. I don't know if that's real or how do I know the difference? So if you're working with somebody who's at that point of burnout where they just everything feels awful, like I hate my job, I'd never go back. All the people are bad, everything I did was bad or wrong, you know they're at that place where they're just angry.

Megan Devito:

And we see it, yes, in corporate worlds and we see it in education, but we see it in kids, in sports, we see it in kids at school, we see it in parents and we see it in moms right, mom, burnout.

Laura Flowers:

Oh yes, that's a whole other thing we could talk about. So one piece of advice that I think is really tangible for anybody if they're trying to make a decision, if they're not sure if their intuition is guiding them in one way or if their brain is like if so, I think it's really cool to try it on for size. So really like, close your eyes if you're comfortable doing so, and go all in on each decision. So let's say you like okay, I need to make a decision. If I am going to, I'm going to do an extreme on, quit my job or stick it out, okay, and I have to make that decision right now.

Laura Flowers:

So really go into your I closed my eyes, I try to get into like a really calm or meditative state and I envisioned those two different paths and I play them out as long as it feels right to help me in the decision-making process. And with each path or each option that you have, you will notice a different physiological reaction, whether you might feel lighter or happier or calmer, or whether you might feel like anxious or unhappy or worried or scared. And you might notice even different, like racing heart or calmer breathing. But but think about that and that's one tool that's a really I find it to be helpful strategy is because your intuition is going to know what feels right. It just it knows. And if you feel like a sense of relief and oh, like I'm so good, I did that, then then yeah, like that's that's your intuition, that's like your body and your mind and your spirit Like being like this is the right way, this is it, yeah.

Megan Devito:

I love that your body is so smart. Right, we like to think that our brains are. Our brain is so smart. Your brain's not smart, it's just good at stories right.

Megan Devito:

You're smart. I'm not saying you're not smart. I'm saying that if you really want to know where it's at, like the truth, you have to go back into your body, and it's that thing that people run from. We're so intolerant to anything that feels remotely uncomfortable.

Laura Flowers:

So true, so true.

Megan Devito:

And kids especially, I'm like it's not that you're just uncomfortable, just pick up the phone and call someone. Oh my God, I will die. You will not die. Hey, you will not die if you make a phone call.

Laura Flowers:

Yeah, yeah, and you bring up such a good point. I think people are really scared to feel that discomfort. We're in a society where we just want quick fixes and we want to feel good all the time and, and you know, if it doesn't feel good it must be wrong. Right like no. Like you learn so much from sitting with different emotions in your body and you heal so much from sitting with different emotions in your body, you cannot heal from different experiences or traumas or emotional discomforts without experiencing them. If you choose to numb yourself by either ignoring it or self-medicating or whatever it may be, you or whether you just distract yourself and avoid it, like you are, never, can never heal from it. It will always stay stored in your body. You must, must, must, must learn how to sit with it and process it and work through it and realize that it doesn't in fact have complete control over you.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, I wish I could teach that to everyone. Like that is the thing when I'm like you guys have got to learn to be uncomfortable, Like it's I'm not saying it feels awful, but it's so good for you, right? It's like eating your spinach or whatever you know, Eating your Brussels sprouts or your lima beans or whatever your gross vegetable is.

Laura Flowers:

So true, yeah, but it's like, why do people feel better after they've had a quote, unquote good, cry, it's the same thing, right? Because like, yeah, in the moment, like it feels ick, like to have to have the ugly, cry and sobbing and all that whatever, like get it out. But when you're done, like you feel lighter so many times and like, just like purged, like you processed it, you worked with it, you got it out of your body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just one way, that's just one one way that you can sit with an emotion and get it through.

Laura Flowers:

Like people are scared to cry, I'm not scared to cry. Like I encourage my clients If you want to cry, cry, and I did this with my students as a school psychologist. Like, this is why I always have tissues in my office, because I encourage, I encourage you to work through it, feel it like, get it out and realize, because I think a lot of people are like but if I start crying, I'm never going to stop. The feeling's never going to go away. There is always an end, there's a start. No one has ever kept crying forever. You will stop, yeah, and you're not going to be that one unique person that never stops crying for the rest of your life, like you have a start and an end and it will be okay yeah.

Megan Devito:

That's so good. Okay, if you had a magic button that you could push and you could either push like fast forward or rewind, right, and something you could either bring back, like an old thing that you would bring back, that like it was better when it was this way, or something that you could be like, or I would push us forward to something, what would you do? Like I know my answer on this and it's probably, it's probably a terrible answer, but I know what I would say. I want to know what you would say. I want to hear what yours is going to be too. I would put you know, like old school hours on TV. Like when I was young, the TV used to turn off at night, right Like they would play the national anthem and there was nothing on at night because, just go to bed. I would make that be a social media thing. I would be like, at 10 o'clock it's off the air until like 8 am.

Laura Flowers:

I think that would solve so many problems in this world, and I was going to say something very similar, like I was being guided into two different directions. One of it was completely eliminating or limiting social media. And I say eliminating, I think, for our younger generations, period like there's period, yeah, and then limiting it for adults. You know, I think yeah, because how many times are we either scrolling mindlessly at 10, 11, 12 o'clock at night, you know, when we could be sleeping, resting, reading, journaling, whatever it is, or comparing ourselves to other people and then feeling shitty about who we are? You know, it's just like a lot of nothing good happens, and I use this very broad, but not a lot of good things happen on social media past, like 10, 11, 12 o'clock at night, like yeah

Megan Devito:

, I mean even sometimes at noon,

Laura Flowers:

what's true too, Right,

Megan Devito:

I mean, there's some funny stuff out there, right

Laura Flowers:

there's funny stuff, yeah, yeah.

Megan Devito:

It just makes me wonder about everything from, yes, stress and anxiety, because we know that's so tied. But I also wonder about attention, right, attention and focus, like how much of that increases from social media. How much of all of these. I mean I would love I'm not a statistician, right, like I don't know the stats on anything, but I'm like I would love to see the correlations between these things because I'm like, oh, it's all, it's all connected.

Laura Flowers:

Oh, I'm sure there's a ton of research out there for it and I know like. I mean just think about, like the algorithms on Instagram or whatever videos are no more than what?

Laura Flowers:

10 seconds long, because people can't manage to maintain focus for more than 10 seconds until they have to go on to the next, on to the next, on to the next. Like what? Yeah, I think it's, it's. It worries me because, yeah, I mean I know just even from my other identity as a school psychologist, seeing the impact that it has on our students, and I know you probably, as a teacher, has seen it firsthand as well. I'm seeing it pop up with our younger generation and then I'm following students, sometimes into their teens and adulthoods, and it's not getting better as they become adults.

Laura Flowers:

If you are conditioning yourself to have a short attention span at a young age and this is what's normal and this is what's reinforced with the different algorithms that are out there then you don't all of a sudden become 18 years old and then you're able to focus for an hour and get something done. No, like this is you're creating lifelong patterns that, if you don't make a conscious choice to do the work and create different habits, this is what it's going to be and that's scary. In my opinion, that's scary. The other thing I would change is to have people be more in tune and we touched on this briefly with their intuition and with ways of healing that are outside of traditional Western beliefs.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, tell me more, I love it. Yeah, no, I. Yeah, we don't need to pill everything. I'm not. I'm like a hundred percent pro-medicine, right, like, yes, take a pill also.

Laura Flowers:

And yes, right, yeah, yes, and. And I think there's so much wisdom to like blend the best of both, because there's so much wonderful, uh, innovate innovations in Western technology and in mental health and how that's helped. And there's also ancient wisdom that we are doing an incredible disservice to people by just poo, poopooing it and being like, oh, that's too out there, that's too whoa, that's like. I didn't read that in my medical textbook, so it can't be true when we're able to fully embrace both. I've just seen some of the biggest and most massive transformations in blending both.

Megan Devito:

And I really do think, for people who are in that space where they need to take medication because they're incredibly anxious or depressed, that's the perfect time to start integrating some of those other techniques, whether it's journaling, or meditating or mindfulness, or being in nature or taking walks or whatever that is. Yes, use that medicine to your benefit and rewire some things in there. Yes, yeah.

Laura Flowers:

Yeah, you can do it Right. We all have it, and I think that's it too. Like I, it's not just meant for the select few to be able to figure this out. We all, every single person, has the ability to integrate different strategies and techniques and find what works for you best, because we are all so unique Like we we really are, and so, like, what works wonderfully for one group of people might not work for another, and so you.

Laura Flowers:

There are so many different things out there, and so if you try something and it doesn't resonate with you, that doesn't mean you're broken. That doesn't mean you're meant to live with anxiety or depression forever and you give up. No, we don't live in overwhelm. I'm not going to let you do that Like. We're just going to. We're going to figure out what's going to work for you, and and just know that you. I truly believe that every single person is meant to live a life that brings themselves happiness and joy, and that where they make a positive impact on the world around them and whatever their unique purpose is. And so when we give people the tools to live their best and brightest self, the world is going to continue to be a better place. We're going to see more positivity, more of lifting each other up, more joy, more connection and less of the division and the anger and the divisiveness and the competition that I think we get caught up into in this world sometimes. Yeah, absolutely.

Megan Devito:

Okay, tell people how you help them do this. I think we get caught up into in this world sometimes. Yeah, absolutely Okay, tell people how you help them do this. I think this is important. There's so much help out there for everyone. Like, let's?

Laura Flowers:

There's so much help out there. So what I offer right now? I have a signature one-on-one coaching program. It's called Rediscovering You and I help women specifically, who I enjoy working with. I help them that who are in a situation of career burnout right now figure out what it is that is their next step, whether it's finding joy in their career by making shifts in their professional and personal lives, or whether helping them guide into taking a different path, whether it's starting their own business or starting a completely different career, and I give them the steps and the tools all along the way and it's completely, 100% customized for each person.

Laura Flowers:

I'm an extremely hands-on person and I do incorporate all of the wonderful things that I've gained in my career as a psychologist, and I also am a Reiki master and an energy healer and I incorporate that into the work that I do as well. So I have a beautiful blend of practical, psychological sorts of techniques and infused with energy healing, reiki and all of that beautiful work as well. So that is what I'm most passionate about helping. I also have a podcast called Rediscovering you, which, Megan you blessed the air with me a few weeks ago with that where I also talk all about having the courage to reimagine who you are, rediscover your identity and just create the life that you love.

Megan Devito:

I love that. I love that. Where can people find you? Your podcast is all over the place.

Laura Flowers:

Yes, yep, so the podcast is Rediscovering You. You could find that anywhere. You could also go to my website if you're interested in learning about my coaching program. It's lauraflowersllccom. If you are curious but not really sure, you could definitely just book a free call with me right on the website and I'm happy to answer any questions that you have and see if we'd be a good fit to work with each other.

Megan Devito:

I love it. You've got so much good stuff. I'm going to have to talk a little more about Reiki with you, because I don't know very much about it and I'm so intrigued Like I know enough to be so curious but I've never, ever done like a Reiki session with anybody and it's so curious.

Laura Flowers:

It's amazing. It's amazing and I could talk to you forever about that too. But yeah, anytime you want to have a conversation to dive into the benefits of Reiki and how we all can access Reiki energy. You know, for ourselves, for our family, for our pets, even, and then, of course, for our clients. You know, it's just, it's truly been life-changing since I've incorporated Reiki into my life, like truly life-changing.

Laura Flowers:

And I'm not saying that to be dramatic.

Laura Flowers:

It's changed me on a cellular level. I feel different, I'm a different human. Because of it, in the most beautiful way.

Megan Devito:

Please come on this podcast again and teach us about this. I would love to hear it.

Laura Flowers:

Absolutely. I would be honored to Thank you for that invitation.

Megan Devito:

Yeah, thanks for being here today. Hey there, before you go, I just want to say thanks for hanging out with me on More Than Anxiety. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and leave a review so that other people can find it too. And if you're ready to quiet your mind, stop overthinking and actually enjoy your life, there are two ways I can help. One I have a group called Ambitious Overthinkers Anonymous. It's my monthly coaching community where you'll get live coaching, real talk and a super supportive crew who get it. And the second way is through one-on-one coaching. So if you're ready for a deep, personalized support to help you feel calm, confident and in control head over there, you can find both of these places in the show notes. Just click the link and let's talk.