More Than Anxiety

Ep 122 - Why Resolutions Fail: The Secret To Thriving All Year Long

• Megan Devito • Episode 122

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Are you tired of setting New Year’s resolutions that fizzle out before February? 

In this episode, I'm sharing why making lasting changes can feel so hard, especially when you try to do it on your own. I'll share the common thoughts and habits that keep you stuck, like the all-or-nothing mindset and your routines, and explore why accountability is the missing piece you need to achieve your goals.

Through relatable examples (like that gym membership you stopped using) and practical insights, I’ll show you why discomfort is a natural part of growth and help you reimagine what’s possible when you have the right support. 

You’ll hear about "Emily" working with me as her coach, as well as experience  a guided visualization so you know exactly what you want that feels impossible to get now.

This episode is packed with strategies and encouragement to help high-achieving women like you move from overwhelmed and stuck to confident, calm, and thriving. Don’t let another year slip by, whether you're listening in August or January, you can make this your breakthrough year.

What to expect in this episode:

  • Why resolutions fail and how to break the cycle
  • The danger of the all-or-nothing mindset
  • Why willpower isn’t enough and what works instead
  • A guided exercise to see and feel your best year yet
  • Real-life client transformation story for inspiration
  • How coaching provides the clarity and accountability you need

Ready to get started? Listen now, and schedule your complimentary consultation to create the life you deserve.

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Megan Devito:

Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I help ambitious women break out of the anxiety cycle that keeps them frustrated and stuck. Get ready for a lighthearted approach that will change what you think, how you feel and what you believe about yourself. This podcast is full of simple steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action. So you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it.

Megan Devito:

Hey, welcome to episode 122 of the More Than Anxiety podcast. My name is Megan. If you've never been here before, welcome. I'm so excited that you decided to check out this episode and if you've been here for a long time, maybe you've listened to every single episode. Welcome back. I'm always thrilled that you choose to join me over and over again, if we've not met. I'm a life coach and I help ambitious women go-getters who are out there climbing the corporate ladder, raising families, trying to do everything on both sides of their life. I help them find balance and I help them calm the anxiety, calm the stress and stop overthinking so they have more time to take care of themselves and have fun. If that sounds like you. You are in exactly the right place for a really important episode.

Megan Devito:

Every week, I try to bring topics that I think you can appreciate and use, no matter where you are in the year. And yeah, it's early in 2025. I think this will be even the first episode that airs in January, maybe the second. So I'm going to talk a little bit about resolutions. I don't like resolutions and I'm going to talk to you about why they fail and how you can be successful, but not specifically for New Year's. Anytime you listen to this. So if you jump on and you're listening to this podcast episode in August, this stuff is still going to be appropriate and applicable to your life, no matter when you listen. But for now, happy new year. Let's go ahead and get started.

Megan Devito:

I want to start by telling a little story that I'm pretty sure everybody can identify with, whether you've ever joined a gym or not, because you probably know somebody who joined a gym. They get really excited. New year, new you. You go into a gym, you sign up for the membership, you pay the monthly fee and you're like, yes, I'm going to go every single day and you do for a week. This feels good. I mean I'm sore, I'm tired, I feel really powerful, I feel strong. Yeah, I'm going to do it this time.

Megan Devito:

But somewhere along the line something happens and maybe you have a meeting and you can't quite go over lunch that day, so you missed a day. And you're like, yeah, I mean I needed a rest anyway. So the next day, yeah, you know what, I have to get caught up because I had that meeting yesterday. So you miss another day. And maybe you go the third day and that's amazing, you went back.

Megan Devito:

But somewhere along the line, most people, even people with the best of intentions, stop going after about five weeks, six weeks. There's a day in February where it's like 80-some percent of people have quit on themselves. It's not their fault, it's not your fault. And if that sounds like you, let's talk about why it is so hard and why doing these things alone whether it's trying to go to the gym, whether it's trying to stop eating sugar, or whether it's to stop people-pleasing, to create and hold boundaries, to change the route that you take to work is so hard and why taking those steps over and over again on your own may not be exactly what you need. I'm not saying it's impossible, because certainly it's not. A ton of people do it. But if you're struggling, I am giving you permission right now to ask for help, to ask for support and systems and guidance and things like that, so that you really can have what you want, which is really what I do as a coach.

Megan Devito:

But let's talk about what's going on that's making it really hard and making it difficult for you to make the changes that you want to change. It is not a you problem, it's a people problem. So I want you to think about this. How many times have you set goals and you notice that they kind of disappear after a couple of weeks? Maybe it's like I'm going to get it together. I'm going to make sure that my desk is cleaned off every single day before I leave for the day. Maybe it's I'm going to leave my computer at home and I'm not going to work after dinner tonight. I'm going to spend the time hanging out with my kid, whatever it is.

Megan Devito:

If that sounds like you and you notice that you just keep going back to it, you're just stuck in a pattern, even though you promised yourself you would break it. It takes a lot of conscious thought to do that, but your body is going to revolt against you. This is normal human biology. It's not failure. It's just what people do because, yes, change is hard and life has this way of pulling you back inside your comfort zone. And the comfort zone is really the problem that we see here. Here's what I mean by that. Your brain is going to do the same thing on default as often as possible, because really it doesn't want to have to think about it. Everything that you've done in the past has kept you safe. Yes, even though you're uncomfortable. Yes, even though you don't like what's happening and you want to make changes In your brain's kind of way of thinking. You're not dead yet, so let's just keep doing the same thing. Even though you want to go to the gym consistently, even though you want to stop working at five o'clock and not thinking about it again until the next morning, your brain's like yes, but this feels important. By working later, I'm not getting fired. People still think great things about me. I have enough money. I'm not failing. It makes me professional.

Megan Devito:

Whatever the story is that you have for yourself. On the other side of that, it could be I'm going to go home and I'm going to hang out with my kids, and it might be a different set of thoughts. It might be you know what I really am sitting here, even if I'm working on the couch next to them. It's okay, this is necessary. I'm just going to do this one more time. All of these different things that you keep doing that are keeping you from being able to have that life that you want to have, whether it's like I'm keeping my work and my home separate, maybe it's like no, I really wanted to be able to feel confident enough to ask for the promotion that I feel like I deserve, but I don't know. You know what. Maybe I should just stay where I am a little bit longer just to prove myself. Or maybe it is something like you know what? I am going to decide to put down that boundary and not say yes to every single thing they ask me to do at my kid's school. Whatever it is all of those thoughts and all of those situations. This can work for those situations.

Megan Devito:

So why do these resolutions, or why do these best intentions, fail? There's several reasons. One of them is that you might have an all or nothing mindset. If I go back to the first thought about going to the gym and you make it. You go like five or six days or whatever, and then you miss a day for a meeting and you're like, oh, that's the end of that, I failed. And you might not consciously tell yourself that you failed, but if you started out saying I'm going to go every single day, yeah, I'm going to hit this hard the first time that you miss that, there's part of you inside your subconscious that's like that didn't work either, did it? You know what? It's okay.

Megan Devito:

You were a lot more comfortable when you weren't going to the gym every day. You know how to notice like your legs are really sore. Are you sure you want to do that? Aren't you tired? I mean, Bob doesn't go to the gym every single day. There's so many thoughts that you have that will just sneak in there. And when you entertain those thoughts and you don't override them yeah, it makes sense that you would do that. Your brain would actually be perfectly happy if you didn't do anything but sit on the couch and eat snacks all day and sleep a lot. You're at your house. Nobody's going to get you. You've got plenty of fat stored up so that in case there's like some horrible thing that happens, like all of the berries and nuts that you're supposed to go gather later get frozen off the trees. This is very hunters and gatherers caveman kind of mindset, where preserve your energy, stay home and stay safe, don't get up and move around and everything will be fine. You're alive. I mean you're not really living, but you're alive. That's one reason, very all or nothing.

Megan Devito:

The second thing is not having somebody to hold you accountable. This is why people who do things like go to the gym or find somebody to say, hey, did you leave your computer at work, when you have an accountability partner. When there's someone there to cheer you on or to remind you of why you're doing what you're doing, it's not as easy to quit on yourself, especially if you've made a deal with your friend from the office across the hall from you that you're going to meet to walk every day for lunch or that you really are going to leave your computer on your desk. If you have somebody watching you, it's easier. I mean, you're not going to tell them. No, I just thought maybe I'll go home and work just this one night. No, you're going to leave it, and that's great. So having accountability is the second one.

Megan Devito:

The third one is just this idea that you should have the willpower to do it, which is utter garbage, by the way. People will say I don't know, I just don't feel very motivated, and I'm like, no, you probably don't, because your motivation isn't going to be there in those times when your brain is telling you every single reason in the world why you shouldn't do it. It's not about motivation, it's about determination. You cannot muscle your way through your subconscious and discomfort. You can't do it. It's exhausting. You have to find ways to finagle that and how to really calm your subconscious down and to get clear on what you want, why you want it, and to have tiny steps, without the all or nothing and with accountability, to be able to get you there. And yes, you absolutely can have your own accountability. You can have your own back, and I hope that you too. But if you don't keep listening, because I want to get to what you can do to help you be successful.

Megan Devito:

But first, before we go there, let's talk about the fact that I keep talking about this uncomfortability, because it's really important. Discomfort is part of growth I want you to think about. If you have kids, you might've had this experience with them, or you might remember it from your own life, where you know when they're little and all of a sudden they're having a really big growth spurt I think this is particularly true for boys. But all of a sudden they say, mom, my legs hurt so bad. I don't know what's wrong, my knees hurt, or I don't know, my pants just are so tight and it's uncomfortable. They're growing, they're growing pains. Growth is uncomfortable and we don't like to be uncomfortable, and the reason that we run away from making the changes even the changes that we want to want, want to make, is because they are not familiar.

Megan Devito:

Most of the things that you do in your life on a daily basis are the same pattern, the same routine, the same things over and over again, and I'm not here to bash on routines. I actually think they're really important. I think they help people be productive, I think that they free up brain space so that you can be more creative, they help you to be successful, they lower anxiety and they will keep you stuck, because, in order to update your routine, you have to change, and that's difficult. Even something as simple as brushing your teeth at a different time of the day. If your routine is I get out of the shower, I wrap up in a towel and I brush my teeth. If you try to get out of the shower, get dressed, do your hair, put on your makeup and then brush your teeth, it's going to be weird. You might even forget to brush your teeth for the day. But my guess is that you don't just say, oh, I didn't brush them yesterday, I'll never brush them again.

Megan Devito:

There are certain habits that are like even though you're missing it, we don't discard those. So we just want to get really clear on why you want to do what you want to do and then have some support so that when you notice that you're backing off of changing the routine, whatever it is maybe it's that you're going to drink an entire glass of water before you drink coffee in the morning, but you just noticed that you happen to end up with a coffee cup in your hand. And where the heck did this come from? It's all of those routines that get stored; Amazing. But be ready to be uncomfortable when you're ready to change those in the best way, because just because you're uncomfortable doesn't mean it's impossible. It just means that we need to find some ways to make it a little less uncomfortable, or just to notice that the uncomfortability means that you're growing.

Megan Devito:

So I want you to lean into where you want to go and again, I'm going to speak to 2025 right now, because I am recording this actually two days before Christmas and it's coming out in early January, so let's talk about imagining your best year. But again, if you're listening to this in August, I want you to imagine where you want to be next August. Just look out ahead 12 months. Wherever you are during this episode, okay, and I'm going to talk to you for a second. As long as you're not driving your car, I want you to close your eyes. Play a little game with me. I like games, okay. So imagine one year from now, maybe December 23rd or December 31st or January 5th or whenever, wherever this is.

Megan Devito:

One year from now, I want you to imagine yourself feeling confident. When is a time in the past that you felt really confident about something? Okay, and I want you to imagine what it is that you're doing. What kind of choices are you making in your career that make you feel confident? Are you choosing to stand up for yourself? Are you choosing to ask for that promotion that you know damn well that you deserve?

Megan Devito:

You're kind of afraid to ask, because what would people think Maybe you did that. Are you feeling confident because in the afternoons or in the evenings when you get home, you actually go hang out with your kids? You haven't done work at home on the daily basis in forever. There was that one project, but that was a one-time thing and it felt so good to get it done because you knew you didn't have to do it again for a long time. That kind of confidence, and I want you to picture yourself setting boundaries, yes, at work, but also with the people that you love, because, because, mom, you deserve time to yourself, you're going to be a better mom for it, and you decided that that was okay.

Megan Devito:

And when you come back to hang out with your kids or with your partner or your spouse, you actually notice that I'm not as grouchy. I feel really good, I feel rested, I have more energy to do fun things, and now I want you to think about how much calmer you feel inside your body. This is really important. Notice what it feels like to feel relaxed and to feel in control Not in control of everything around you, but in control of your own thoughts. But in control of your own thoughts and in control of your reactions or your responses. To have a plan that you made and that you know how to follow, and you have somebody in your corner to help you stick to it. Imagine what that would be like. I want you to really focus on how this feels inside of your body to feel proud, to feel confident, to have energy, to feel sure of yourself and to be resilient. Take that all in. It's really important. Notice where in your body you feel it. That's what we want to focus on, not the things that you have to change, because the changes that you have to make to get to those places aren't going to feel that way. They're going to feel scary and maybe a little bit frantic and maybe like are you sure that I have to do this today? I think something's going to go wrong. This is probably not necessary. All of those things are going to happen.

Megan Devito:

So I want to tell you a little story about a client that I worked with. I'm going to call this person Emily that's not their name, but I'm never going to tell you my client's actual names, so let's talk about Emily. Emily was struggling with really overthinking everything that she wanted to do in her career, but also in her life as a mom. She had this amazing job. She was a project manager or a creative design person inside these projects I don't know exactly what her title was, but she was brilliant. But when she came home she was not able to relax. She had a toddler and she would come home, she would do dinner, but she would immediately get back on her computer, even to the extent of waking up in the middle of the night and having ideas about what she thought she was supposed to be doing at work, or that she thought people would think about her if she didn't show up in some particular way. So she would open her laptop at two in the morning, literally at two in the morning when we started working together. She just felt like she wasn't doing enough at work or at home and she was miserable. And honestly, when she came to me she was ready to quit her job. She had actually signed up for a I think it was like a six week kind of leave or sabbatical to work on herself, which I think is amazing for her company.

Megan Devito:

If you are working for a company, by all means ask them if you can take that time for yourself and ask them if they'll cover the cost of coaching, because lots of companies will help you by paying for your coaching. If you're like I really want to work with you, megan, but I don't know how to do that right now, ask your company if you can use it as an employee benefit. It is possible, and I've had clients do that. It's simple. If you need me to write you like a school excuse, I can totally do that too. I write school excuses. Well, I wrote them for my clients when I was coaching teenagers as well. But yes, I can write you a school excuse for your work.

Megan Devito:

Okay, so this was Emily. When we started, she was overwhelmed with work. She was stuck doing the same things over and over again that she did not want to do. She was trying really, really hard to change, but she was frantic about it because she was terrified at, first of all, losing her job, but also staying at her job. That's like a really hard back and forth, isn't it? So she was afraid of both of those things, but she just kept trying. She was really determined, but she also was sabotaging herself over and over again. She just could not get out of her own way because it felt really, really important to keep going. Even though she didn't want to work at 2 am because no one wants to work at 2 am she just kept doing it because she felt like she had to. Again, it goes back to that feeling in your body. She had all the best reasons to change, but she also had all of the best reasons that she couldn't change because what she thought felt really real and it was her past experience, so she believed it. This is normal. This is normal brain stuff.

Megan Devito:

So we worked on these things. We worked on what she really thought about herself, what she was good at, what she would do if she could do anything she wanted. What if that was all true? And we just have to calm down your body enough and have one brave moment where you take one small step. That's what we did. So we worked together. We worked together for six months and we started out always by setting a goal One goal, two goals, no more than three ever. So we make just a few goals. They're always your goals and she decided she was going to stay consistent.

Megan Devito:

She showed up every single week and she brought her questions. She brought what she was celebrating, she brought what she was struggling with and she said this is what's happening at work right now. This is what's happening at home right now. Help me through this. And we would say okay, what do you think about what's going on? What do you want to see instead? And we would work through one situation at a time, every single week. We talked about her ability to do things when she had to be uncomfortable. What if you have to ask for that? How would you approach it?

Megan Devito:

She was so willing to play these games with me too, which I'm just going to tell you that I like to make the hard things, the things that cause you to feel really, really anxious or unsure, fun, because it's hard to be anxious and stressed out when you're having a good time. So we've been in a lot of games with this, and one of them was what did you like to do when you were a kid? Your job is to go out and do that thing. When you start to feel anxious and you start to overthink, you're going to go outside and kick the soccer ball around for a minute. You're going to go blow bubbles, you're going to watch safari videos, you're going to do whatever it was that you loved when you were a kid and let yourself just work those feelings through, and then let's revisit what you want to do, because you're going to have a completely fresh perspective on that.

Megan Devito:

So, through all of this, we were just charting the steps that she took and really paying attention to the successes that she was having, and she was able to, by the end of our time together, create her own job position and ask exactly for what she wanted. This is what my strengths are. This is why you need me to work with these teams. This is what I bring to the business and how I can change this entire company. This is how much I want to be paid for it. She took that to her boss and got it. She got what she wanted, she got the promotion, she got better work-life balance and she got more money. And it was all because she trusted herself and she believed in herself, because she was so good at what she did.

Megan Devito:

She was also terrified of messing up and then to do that, she just kept sabotaging herself. We're going to stop that. This is the kind of transformation that coaching can provide, that is absolutely possible for you. So if you're like, yeah, that sounds really nice for her Way to go, Emily; no, this is not just an Emily thing. I've seen this happen over and over again the thing was that she had the support that she needed, and my guess is, if you've been trying to do this, you might need some support and some accountability too. That's what coaching gives you. It's not motivation. I am not here to tell you what to do. I am not here to be like all right, this is what you have to think to do it. It's all structured, and it's structured for what you want, based on what you know is best for you.

Megan Devito:

I'm going to find the thoughts that you keep thinking over and over again, that are keeping you stuck, and ask you what the heck's going on there? What would you rather believe? How's that other stuff already true? I'm going to help you come up with the steps that you want to take. I'm not going to say step one, do this. It's not my journey. I'm along for the ride to help you say okay, what do you think? The next step is what would it take for you to try that. Tell me what you think. The benefit of that is. What do you think could potentially go wrong? How do you want to handle both sides of that? Let's work through all of those thoughts.

Megan Devito:

It's really just a partnership that helps you get through the uncomfortable feelings and the thoughts that are keeping you stuck and it keeps you moving forward when you want to give up Because I know that you want this stuff and I know that you can have it. So if you want to, you absolutely can keep going alone. You always have that option. No one's going to make you do this right. But if you're trying to figure it out and you're constantly stuck and you're always losing momentum, it might be time to ask for help, and there is no shame in that.

Megan Devito:

People will tell you that they're like self-made or was like I'm self-made, millionaire, I'm a self self, whatever I am. And those people had backup, whether it was their friends or they had a support group or they had a coach or they had something. But very rarely, when somebody says I did it on my own, does that mean that they did it entirely on their own. If you have a coach, you have clarity about what you want, about the thoughts that are keeping you stuck and about how to get there. You have accountability because you have somebody that you're checking in with every single week about what did you do, how did it go, why did you not do it? If you skip out, what kept you from doing that? What were you thinking that kept you from doing that? Okay, are we trying again? Do you still think that's the right step? What's it going to take for you to do it next week? You get that with coaching and you have somebody to celebrate your wins with. If you're not celebrating those little wins, you're missing out. Those little wins are important. They feed your brain. The little dopamine hits or like the little Hershey's Kisses, treats that you've been looking for that make you want to do it again, even though it was really scary and kind of hard.

Megan Devito:

Would you accomplish in 2025 if you didn't have to do it by yourself and you weren't too afraid? Or like a year from August? What would you do in the next 12 months? What about the next six months? I work with people for six months at a time. What would you do in the next six months if you knew you had that? That's an important question. I want you just to imagine starting this year with the clarity and the focus and somebody to help you through it, because that's what I do. If you want to talk more with me about this, it's super duper simple. I have a free consultation call and that call is going to get you set up to move forward.

Megan Devito:

Whether you choose to do coaching or not, I'm going to tell you what's going on now, what needs to happen instead and how you can get started. This is the plan. If you decide you want the guidance with that, then we talk about what it's like to work with me. But if nothing else, get on that consultation call and tell me hey, this is really what I've been thinking about. I don't have any idea how to do this. I'm freaking out. Can you help me figure this out? Yes, that's what a consultation call is for.

Megan Devito:

It's so, so good, it's so powerful, it's totally free, and you can do that by clicking the link in the episode notes or by going to my website and clicking the work with me tab. It's all there. My website's just my name, megandavitocom. Go there, click the work with me tab and look at the options. You can schedule a consultation call on my calendar there, or you can be like forget the consultation, call, I just want to go and you can just get your package, your coaching package, there. Everything's on the website, though.

Megan Devito:

Okay, before I go, I want you to remember that if you notice that your body freaks out when you're about ready to make a change, if you notice that you're always sabotaging yourself, if you're always quitting on yourself, you do not have to struggle through this alone. The right support is going to make all the difference in the world, whether it's from me or your best friend that's going to kick your butt if you mess up - With love. With love, be gentle with yourself. So, you guys, I'm excited for what 2025 has coming. I'm excited to hear what you do. I would love to hear from you.

Megan Devito:

You guys can catch me on LinkedIn. Find me on there. It's Megan Devito. My maiden name is on there too. That's Lefever, so you can find me on there. I'm the one with the curly hair and you can also find me on threads or on Instagram and message me on Instagram or Facebook. Of course, I guess I'm kind of all over the internet. I spend most of my time on LinkedIn, so LinkedIn, and then you can message me on other social medias, because I do check in on those frequently.

Megan Devito:

So your year is waiting for you. Whether it is January or August, you have to take the first step. I want to see you guys shine. I want to see you guys doing amazing things. Tell me about it on social media, connect with me, sign up for that consultation call and if I don't talk to you beforehand, I will be back again next week. Take care. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast. Before you go, be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And, of course, if you're ready to feel calm, to stop overthinking and have a lot more fun, you can go to the show notes, click the link and talk to me about coaching. I'll talk to you soon.