More Than Anxiety

E9 118 - Managing Holiday Stress for More Joy

• Megan Devito • Episode 118

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Are you feeling overwhelmed by the holiday hustle? 

In this episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast, I’m sharing strategies to help you manage stress and overwhelm so you have more joy during this busy season. 

If you’re an ambitious woman juggling work, family, and personal commitments while trying to be merry and bright, this episode is for you.

We’ll talk about common holiday stressors and how to navigate them so you have more time for family, friends, fun, and yourself! 

From setting boundaries and being mindful to prioritizing what really matters, you’ll learn how to manage stress and overwhelm for more joy.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

1:15 – Holiday Stress Management
How to regain control and reduce stress during the holidays.

7:40 – Setting Boundaries and Managing Energy
Tips for saying no and preserving your time and energy so you can focus on what truly matters.

15:19 – Gratitude and Mindfulness Practices
Simple ways to stay present and positive through the holiday season.

This episode isn’t just about surviving the holidays—it’s about finding joy, feeling merry, and having time to take care of yourself as well as you're taking care of everyone else.

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Take this quiz to find out what's making you feel so overwhelmed and what you need to do to feel calm, confident, and have more time for fun!



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You know you're overwhelmed, burned out, sick to death of work but also trying to do everyting for everyone at home. TAKE THIS QUIZ to find out why you're so overwhelmed and what to do about it.

Megan Devito:

Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I help ambitious women break out of the anxiety cycle that keeps them frustrated and stuck. Get ready for a lighthearted approach that will change what you think, how you feel and what you believe about yourself. This podcast is full of simple steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action. So you walk away feeling confident, calm and inspiration to take action. So you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. Hey there, welcome to episode 118 of the More Than Anxiety podcast.

Megan Devito:

I'm super excited to have you here today so that we can start making sure that you have the best holiday season, no matter what you're celebrating, when you're celebrating, who you're celebrating with, or I mean even if you're not celebrating at all. Let's start with this very good quote from a very amazing holiday movie, Home Alone. Remember when the mom, she's like, "this is Christmas, the season of perpetual hope, and she says it like she's frantic, right? Do you feel that feeling? Because sometimes, even though perpetual hope is an amazing thing and I hope that you have it if you don't sometimes it feels like we're pushing it like the season of perpetual freaking hope.

Megan Devito:

So today let's talk about how the holidays can be really magical, but how they can also be really overwhelming, especially if you are a woman who works outside the home, who's also trying to take care of kids, who's trying to do all the things to be Santa, to make it magical and not lose your mind. Because between the endless things that you have on your to-do list, the family dynamics and the work dynamics and the deadlines, it's really easy to feel like you're losing your joy in all of the hustle, and that's not what the holidays are supposed to be about. So today I'm just going to share some practical strategies to help you focus on what truly matters and to help you create a holiday season that feels peaceful and joyful, that you can really enjoy. Even if you're just hanging out by yourself in your living room eating chicken wings, it doesn't matter what it is. I want you to be able to feel joy, whether it's the holidays or it's like the middle of May. So today we're going to talk about how you can identify and reduce the things that are stressing you out, how you can set boundaries, how you can feel confident and stay present instead of floating back to the past, where maybe there's some happy memories that are making you feel sad today or into the future, where maybe you're worrying about things instead of being happy right where you are today, in this very busy time of year.

Megan Devito:

Let's start with holiday stress triggers. There's some really common triggers here that happen every single year for me, and probably for you too, that I just want to spend a second going over, because these are things that we do over and over and over again that we may not realize are actually really simple to fix. So one of the things is not having enough time. You are committing to too many things and you don't have enough hours in the day because, again, the kids still have school, you still have a job, you're still trying to take care of everything inside of your life, like laundry and making sure there's enough food. All of those normal things are happening, but you're also supposed to be merry and jolly and happy and bright and sparkly and an elf and all of those things, and sometimes it's too much. There's a lot of fun stuff to do out there. There's parties, there are all kinds of amazing things, but if you're saying yes to everything, you're probably causing yourself more stress than you actually need to take on.

Megan Devito:

The second thing are expectations. Feeling that pressure to make sure that everything is perfect, oh my gosh, if we compare it to the movie, I mean, how much would I like to go along with Home Alone and just like pack up my family and take them to France. If I think that's what a perfect holiday is going to France, which, yeah, that would be pretty amazing, I'm going to be really disappointed. If I think buying my kids every single gift that they need is what's going to make it perfect, they're going to be disappointed, and so am I. It doesn't have to be that way. We want to really take a look at your expectations. What is it that you think is supposed to be perfect and what's supposed to happen?

Megan Devito:

And the third thing is how much energy you have. Are you running on empty, with absolutely no time to recharge, because you've probably committed to too many things on your calendar and you might have those unrealistic expectations setting you up for not having enough energy? So I want you just to take a moment while you're listening to this and think about something,

Megan Devito:

What is the one thing that stresses you out the most during the holidays? Is it what your family expects of you, and by your family, it might be your kids or your spouse or your partner, or it might be what your siblings or parents expect, or what your neighbors expect. Is it work deadlines? Are you like my daughter who's finishing up a master's class and she's like all the assignments are due on the same weekend? Yeah, what's happening in your life? Just because we're in the middle of the holiday season, doesn't mean that work goes on pause, or that your classes go on pause, or that your kids' sports schedules go on pause. Or is it something else entirely? But just think about that and hit pause on this podcast, if you need to, and write it down or just keep it in your mind as we move forward.

Megan Devito:

So let's get to the second thing and talk about some strategies that you can use right now to reduce that stress. The first thing I want to look at is the problem of not having enough time. So let's start with time management. Let's talk about what are your non-negotiables, what are the things that these are the things that we have to do, and really look at what this is for you. So the non-negotiables might be the kids have to be able to go to school. I mean, Christmas break doesn't start or whatever it is, doesn't start for you until what? Maybe the 20th, the 22nd, the 23rd, they still have to go to school.

Megan Devito:

So maybe doing all of those activities like I don't want to go to the gingerbread house thing, I want to go to the parade, I want to do all the things. Maybe all of those things can't happen, so let's pick the things that have to happen first. School for sure, you have to go to work. I mean, there's a chance that you're going to have to do some laundry in there, right? You might have to go to, like, a basketball game or a swim meet or something like that. And maybe a non-negotiable for you is that we absolutely will go to the live nativity or we will do this one thing that we always do we always do - the Polar Express train. Okay, that's a non-negotiable for you and that's okay to put it on the list. But we don't want to fill in this list with all of the things you want to do, just the things that absolutely have to happen.

Megan Devito:

So write down your top three priorities for the season. What are your absolute must-haves? Maybe it's the Polar Express train, Maybe it's the live nativity. Maybe it's that you go to church every Sunday, during Advent. Maybe it's that you watch one Christmas movie every single weekend. It doesn't matter what it is, it just matters that it is your top priority. So write down just three, no more than three, top priorities for the season. What are your must-haves? Everything else is optional. From this point, everything else is like sprinkles on top of the cake. So you've got your foundation, you've got your cake. Of your three essentials, everything else is just sprinkles. You can eat the cake without the sprinkles. It's still good, they're just pretty Okay.

Megan Devito:

The next thing we want to look at is setting boundaries. Setting boundaries can go with time management. It can also go with energy management. So this is a really good one to put in the middle. I'm tripping over my words today, you guys. I'm talking too fast. So let's talk about setting boundaries.

Megan Devito:

So what do you do when somebody asks you to come to that party? That's on a Saturday night, when you know you've worked all day, and you've gone to your kids' Christmas presentations, and you're working on finishing up that project or your end of the year reports for your job, and they're like, yeah, just come on over Stop over, we're going to be so sad if you can't make it? How do you say no with kindness but without having to explain yourself? Because 'no' is a full sentence, my friends. You can say no and you can add thank you to the end of that and you have two sentences. Oh, no, thank you. You do not have to say yes to everything that you are invited to. Now I know that there are people out there that are going to argue that it's rude to say no if someone cares enough to invite you, and that is amazing. It feels so good to have people invite you, but sometimes it feels really good to say no, and that isn't just true for you, it's also true for the person who invited you.

Megan Devito:

I like to explain it this way when you say yes to something, you are automatically saying no to something else, and what we want you to experience, and what I'm guessing that you want to experience this holiday season, is peace and calm; kind of like Silent Night, right? Like I want everything to be calm and bright and good and merry and happy and jolly and all that. I don't want to be exhausted, I don't want to be grouchy, I don't want to be the Grinch. I don't want to be the Scrooge. I don't want to be any of those things. So to do that, you have to protect your peace, and that means saying no. Another thing that you want to remember is everything you say no to, if it's somebody asking you to volunteer and you're just full, like your schedule can't get any fuller, and you say no and suddenly you feel shame or guilt or anything else.

Megan Devito:

What I want you to remember is, every time you choose to say no to something, you are offering someone else the opportunity to say yes, and maybe they didn't even know it was an option. So let's go back and look at something like helping with a party. Somebody asks you, "h my gosh, could you please be the person that comes and takes care of all of these things for this party? We just need somebody that's really good at coming up with appetizers or activities, and they're like we know you're good and we want you Amazing. They know what you're good at, but when you look at your schedule and you look at what your top three priorities were, it's not going to fit. So you say no and guess what? There's somebody else. Maybe they're new in the office, maybe they're a new family at your child's school, whatever it is. They hear that and they're like oh, I would love to do that. You just opened the door for them. So not only did you protect your peace and protect your energy and protect your time, you gave someone else an opportunity.

Megan Devito:

This is true whether it is the holidays or it is the middle of summer. When you say no to things that don't fit into your life, into your energy, into your schedule, you are opening the door for other people to have the opportunity to feel good, helping, and maybe the thing that you're like, oh, please, don't ever sign me up to do that is the thing that they love. So when you change what you think about saying no, you can let go of that guilt and that shame and feel really solid about it and really like it was a gift One. Nobody wants a grouchy volunteer. Nobody wants to feel like you're there out of obligation and you're like, oh, my God, I hate this, just let me go home. No one likes that and you don't like it either. So let's make it easy on everybody. You get to ditch the guilt and the shame and keep your peace and your energy and have more time, and they get somebody who's excited to be there. It isn't you responsibility to rescue everyone. So that's one part of setting boundaries.

Megan Devito:

I think that's what's really important here is feeling confident that you know what to say, because that can be the thing that trips a lot of people up. So consider this for one second; you can say no and I'm really sorry, but it's because I really just feel like I need to be at home and I don't know, and I'm really sorry, you guys. Hey, just - you know what, if you can't find anyone else, let me know. That is not a no, that is a. I'm trying to say no, but I feel really bad. So just give me a call later and I'll probably say yes. You don't want to say yes, so don't leave that wiggle room there. Say something like thank you so much for asking me, but I'm already committed to something else. So I appreciate the invite. Done, done. Thank you so much. Unfortunately, I'm not available, but I do appreciate you thinking of me. That was a solid no.

Megan Devito:

You didn't even have to say the word no. You just put it out there like I appreciate it ,no, without even having to say the word no. If that word freaks you out, there's ways around it and you're not being wishy-washy. You were appreciative, you were kind. You held your boundaries, you stuck to your priorities. Done. It's that simple. We can work on these things. This phrasing and the way that you say things is part of what coaching is so helpful with. Whenever you think I don't have any idea how to say it, let's map it out, because saying no to running your kid's Christmas program is no different than saying no to that weekend away to the lake with your coworkers that you don't want to go to in July. If you want to say no, find a way to politely and with kindness say no and mean it. We can work on these things. I know that no can feel really uncomfortable for people, especially if you think you're going to upset someone, if you think that it's your responsibility or that you should do something. None of that is true. Let's just work on ways that you can feel confident in yourself and your boundaries and what is right for you.

Megan Devito:

The third thing I want to talk about in this whole area about how you can really start managing that stress is paying attention to how you are spending your energy. You have to take breaks, especially when you have a busy schedule, especially double, especially if you are an introvert who is going to a lot of functions with your family and friends. Not because you don't love them. I am an introvert. I love nothing more in the entire world than hanging out with my parents and my siblings and their families. It's my favorite thing in the world to do. And I'm going to tell you something - that if I am not careful, I get real grouchy and really tired, and I shut down. Do you guys know what I'm talking about? If you're an introvert, my guess is that you understand what it's like when your battery runs out and you've gone from, oh my gosh, I'm having the best time to peace out, I got to go. It's that fast. It's like your battery, It's like an old iPhone. Right? It was full two minutes ago and suddenly it's on red. That's what it's like if you're an introvert. If you don't learn how to manage your energy, you're going to fall apart during the most fun party, when you want to keep going, but you also want nothing more than just to lock yourself in a dark room and go to sleep. So I want to talk with you about mindfulness.

Megan Devito:

Mindfulness and meditation sometimes get confusing for people. Mindfulness is just being aware of how you are feeling, what is going on around you, where are you in this whole relationship of all of the activities. Meditation would be if you drop down on the floor and close your eyes to breathe for a while. Both of them are great, both of them have a place. But mindfulness is nice because you can do it when you're at the party. You can do it when you're at work and things feel too crazy and too overwhelming, and how are you ever going to get all of the Christmas shopping done? Mindfulness can be done anywhere, and mindfulness is just paying attention to how your body feels, what's going on around you and making sure that you are recentering.

Megan Devito:

So let's just practice for a minute. I want you to close your eyes, unless you're driving. If you're driving, just you know, come back to this. You can do it anytime. But even if you're at your desk listening to this kind of on the down low, close your eyes for just one minute and I want you to take three really slow breaths. So you're going to breathe in through your nose. Hold your breath, exhale for five or six or seven seconds and when you exhale, I want you to picture the best holiday moment, like whether it's in the past or what you want to create right now. So breathe in, hold your breath a nice long exhale and picture what you're doing in that place. Maybe you're just watching Home Alone on the couch with your family eating popcorn, it doesn't matter. Maybe you're outside. Maybe you are in a huge party and you are totally energized by that. Let's do one more breathe in, hold your breath, exhale really really far and picture that and and just notice that, that breathing that. Like I'm just going to take myself to a place where I can breathe. Guys, you can do this while you shop. You can do this when you're getting stressed out in a meeting. You don't have to close your eyes. It's just a nice break for a second if you can breathe with your eyes closed.

Megan Devito:

But if you are walking through a crowded mall, do people still go to the mall? I hate the mall, but let's say you're doing that because sometimes it's an emergency, right? So you're shopping and you're starting to feel really grouchy because maybe you forgot to eat, or you're really overwhelmed with the number of people who are running around - why are they walking so slow? Exhale, breathe in slowly, hold your breath, exhale really long and just pay attention to what's actually going well right now?

Megan Devito:

This This is such a good question what's working out for me right now? Don't give up until you come up with one answer. What's going well? Okay, I am actually going to finish my Christmas shopping today and after that, when I get home, I'm going to take a nap. When I get home, my kids are going to be so excited to see me. When I get home, I have the rest of the weekend to watch football.

Megan Devito:

Whatever it is, any answer is okay, because this is about you and what makes you feel good. So let's talk about just like going back into this place where you're like okay, I'm going to revitalize myself and I'm just going to check in and say how much more emotional battery do I have left? Am I almost done? Do I feel like I'm ready to head out? Do I need to start winding down or no? Do I feel better now that I took some space? Maybe you need to go outside for a second. There's no wrong answer here.

Megan Devito:

It's really just being mindful of how you are feeling, with everything going on around you, and making the choice that is right for you. If you're not sure how to cut out early, if you're not sure how you can suddenly decline, like you know what I think I need to go. We can work on that. This is really about how you feel about yourself and about how you feel other people think about you, because if you're like, you know what, we know that Megan has a like, she loves to come to these things, but we also know that when she's done, she's done. They're going to be like we're so glad you stopped by, see. Ya. That's great. Nobody's talking about you after you leave. You're talking about yourself, but I promise you that's not something that other people are doing.

Megan Devito:

So really creating that place for you to pay attention to how you're breathing and what you want to see, what is going well for me, what is working out right now. Go to that place instead of everybody's walking so slow. I can't believe I'm still here. How do I get out of here without people looking at me? The energy and those two inner dialogues is so different. One is going to make you more tired, more anxious and more ready to get out of there. The other one's going to give you some space to do what you want and to make a decision.

Megan Devito:

The next thing I want to look at are some mindset shifts that you can make right now to find more joy, because, let's be honest, there's a lot of pressure to have a really amazing holiday and some years that doesn't happen. Some years you've lost someone or something Maybe it's your job, maybe it's someone that you loved and those years are hard, and let's not pretend for one minute that they are great, because they're not. This is not about faking it. I'm not telling you to pretend like it is the best freaking holiday you've ever had when it's the worst, because sometimes they are. But what we want to do is we really want to direct your brain to what's going to make this holiday one bearable, which is important, because going from unbearable to bearable isn't a very far stretch. We can do that. So we want to look at ways to make it bearable and to find some peace and to just really look at what am I grateful for? This story just popped into my head so I'm going to tell it.

Megan Devito:

But yesterday I was in church and our entire sermon was about gratitude, and it was really about how much your brain changes when you start to cultivate gratitude with the smallest of things. And sometimes it's you saying the same things over and over and over again; I'm healthy, I have a bed to sleep in, I have coffee in the morning. Sometimes that's all you've got. Sometimes it's like my dog loves me. That's great. It's being grateful for what's in front of you right now, even while other things don't feel good. Gratitude is not pretending that everything is happy and wonderful. Gratitude is just being appreciative for what you've got in the moment. So what we want to do is we just want to focus on what matters.

Megan Devito:

The perfect holiday is not about getting everything right. It's not about doing everything to the maximum. It's about enjoying those little moments that mean something really big to you. It's why you chose your top three things to begin with. It's about really focusing on what is important to you, and maybe what's important for you this year is to rest. Maybe what's important for you this year is to really just spend some time considering what you loved about the person who's not there, or what you want in your next job. Maybe it's really just spending time with one person instead of 100 people and that's okay. That's okay.

Megan Devito:

But I want you to focus on what matters, because some things don't. The presents, I mean, they're fun and they're great, but they don't really matter. Some of you just about threw up, didn't you, when I said that the presents don't really matter that much. I mean, you're going to get to a point where they you don't care what you got. That's an amazing place to be. It's frustrating when people want a gift list from you. But those presents, they're fun and they're great and, yeah, it's fun to give them and it's fun to receive them, but they don't really matter. What matters to you? If you don't know, let's talk about it. Let's get on the phone and actually talk about what you want to experience. This is what coaching is. It's getting you to feel the way that you want to feel and structuring your life in that way to make it totally possible. So let's focus on what matters.

Megan Devito:

So the second thing I want you to do is really lean into gratitude every single day. As soon as you wake up, I want you to write down at least one thing that you're grateful for before you ever get out of bed, one thing. Before you get out of bed, that happens and then, as you get to the end of the day, I want you to write down one thing that you're grateful for, or one thing that went well for you. Sometimes it's a stretch, sometimes you're like I am not grateful for anything. Today. I am miserable, I am mourning someone or something. I feel like nothing is going right. I'm falling apart. You got to find one thing, and sometimes it's just that I get to go to sleep. Okay, that's amazing. We can go there. I got to go to sleep tonight. My dog is sleeping next to me Amazing.

Megan Devito:

Start small, but really lean into that idea of gratitude. It's just a simple way to stay focused on what is going well, because nothing is permanent. Everything is always changing. And this place that you're in if this is a really rough holiday for you, or extra stressful or lonely or sad or angry or uncertain holiday for you, it could be entirely different next year. And if you're listening to this before the holiday even gets finished, it could be totally different.

Megan Devito:

Before the holiday's over, we have until New Year's, but you have to go to a place where you're appreciating what you have right now, and so I want you to think about what is one small shift that you could make today to help you feel more joyful. Share it with me on social media. I would love to hear what you have to say. If you're not following me I'm on Instagram, I'm on threads, I'm on LinkedIn and I'm on Facebook. I am @Coach Megan Devito or I am Megan Devito on LinkedIn. Tell me. I would love for you guys to come interact with me and just tell me what's something that made you feel joyful. The more you tell other people about what's making you feel joyful, the more you're helping other people find that in them. At the same time it's such a big deal to say it out loud Give yourself that gift. Okay, let's kind of go back and look at what we've talked about today and if you have any questions again social media come ask. I would love to talk more with you guys.

Megan Devito:

So the first thing you want to do is you want to identify what stresses you out the most right, what is stressing me out and what are the top three priorities that I have this year. You're going to set your boundaries to protect your time and your energy so that you are not giving it away to everyone when this is your holiday and that is their holiday. You get to protect your time and what you're focusing on and your energy where you're spending it. If you are an extrovert, find all the ways that you can go out and get your energy. If you are an introvert, protect that time where you get to snuggle up with a cup of cocoa and watch a movie on your own. There is nothing wrong with either of those things. They both sound fantastic.

Megan Devito:

Most people kind of wobble back and forth on that, by the way, and of course, I want you guys to remember that you have to practice mindfulness, really breathing and paying attention to where you are in the day and your body and gratitude. What are you grateful for? One thing every morning and one thing you're grateful for every night. It's so simple. It changes the way your brain thinks and the way it experiences life way past the holidays. So what is one thing that you're going to say no to? Let's start with that. What will you say no to? You can also tell me that on social media, I'm going to say no to this thing to protect my energy. I've got my top three list. This is how I experience joy. There's so many little things that you can go back, listen to this episode again and go back and write down. These are the things I want to journal about this week. Journaling is a great way to move through this.

Megan Devito:

If you found these tips helpful and you want more, like I got to go deeper, I would love for you to come talk with me, schedule a consultation call and talk to me about like I'm so frustrated. Megan, I just don't know how to get this. Let's figure it out. That call is going to get you a step forward. It's so good and, honestly, it's really fun, because I like to make all of my coaching fun. Stress is not fun, anxiety is not fun, so at least the calls can be really fun and if we can put some lightheartedness into that, it changes everything. It changes the way you feel about yourself and about your life, and that's what's important. If you want to learn more, just megandevitocom/ go to megandevitocom/workwithme, set up a time to talk with me. Let's get you moving forward so that you can start to feel grateful and peaceful and energized and so that you're out having fun.

Megan Devito:

2025 is coming. I can't believe. I'm saying that 2025 is coming very soon, which is wild, isn't it? Let's make it the best year yet. No matter what is happening in the world around us, let's make sure that you get to have the best year yet. All right, if I don't talk to you before, I will be back again next week. Take care. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast. Before you go, be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And, of course, if you're ready to feel calm, to stop overthinking and have a lot more fun, you can go to the show notes, click the link and talk to me about coaching. I'll talk to you soon.