More Than Anxiety

Ep 77 - Why Would I Think That? - An Episode on Intrusive Thoughts

• Megan Devito • Episode 77

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I should cut off my fingers right now. 
*Me chopping vegetables.*

Your brain comes up with around 60,000 thoughts a day.
99% of them are untrue and thought out of habit.

When you have a thought that has an emotion attached to it,
it grabs your attention.

Especially when it is dark, or scary.
These are called intrusive thoughts and they will freak you out if you give them too much attention.

😱 You'll think you're going crazy,
😱 Dangerous to yourself and other people,
😱 Wonder if you're having premonitions,
😱 And get more worked up and afraid, thinking the same thought over and over again.

You can hear more about intrusive thoughts and how to handle them in this week's episode of the More Than Anxiety podcast. 

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You know you're overwhelmed, burned out, sick to death of work but also trying to do everyting for everyone at home. TAKE THIS QUIZ to find out why you're so overwhelmed and what to do about it.

Megan Devito:

Welcome to the More Than Anxiety podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I'm the life coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety isn't holding you back. Get ready for a lighthearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth, talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling confident, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it.

Speaker 2:

Hey there, welcome to episode 77 of the More Than Anxiety podcast. It is great to have you listening today. I am recording this episode with extra love because it's Valentine's Day when I'm recording this. The sun is shining, the grass is all frosty and glittery. It is absolutely beautiful out. So I'm feeling really good and I hope you are too. If you're not, I promise that you're going to be feeling at least a little bit better by the end of this episode.

Speaker 2:

Today we're going to talk about something that comes up very frequently when I'm talking with people, whether I'm answering questions on social media and definitely on coaching calls, or just in random conversations. And since it's such a common topic and question, I bet it's going to hit home for you too. So let's go ahead and get started and talk all about intrusive thoughts, what they are, what they are not and what you need to know to feel safe and better about yourself. And I want to start by telling you about a conversation I had about conspiracy theories. Recently I was having dinner and we were talking about different things that were a problem or different things that were scary, and this was just like my family and one of my kids said, since I started working on mindfulness, since I started like, really we've been working on lowering anxiety with them and since we had this conversation, they said I noticed that I'm not thinking those conspiracy theories anymore. And my immediate response was, well, maybe just don't read them on the internet anyway, because people come up with some crazy conspiracy theories. And they said, no, no, no, I make them up myself. And I was like, oh so, tell me more about this. And they said, well, sometimes I just start thinking about these things and it feels really scary. And so I think, oh my gosh, what if that were true? And I said, oh, yeah, well, that's kind of like an intrusive thought maybe not the exact definition, but the same idea of your brain coming up with these stories that scare you that you start thinking like, oh my gosh, why would I think that? So we had this whole conversation about these stories that one of my kids was coming up with and how, since they had felt less anxious and less stressed, practicing mindfulness and all the different things to really take care of themselves. How those thoughts weren't really a problem anymore. And that's what I want to bring with you, or to you today on this episode; that there really is a way out of that. And when they started noticing that it wasn't an issue, I was like oh yeah, we totally have to have a conversation about this on the podcast.

Speaker 2:

So what you need to know is that your brain comes up with about 60,000 thoughts a day give or take, but 60,000 is a lot of thoughts. 99% of those thoughts maybe 98, 99% of those thoughts are untrue and just things that you think out of habit, things that you don't even realize that you're thinking because they don't really mean anything to you. You think about somebody's shirt color oh, I like their shoes. I should buy this thing. I need to turn right at the next light. We don't give a lot of time or energy to those thoughts because they're just thoughts, but they count.

Speaker 2:

But when you have a thought that has an emotion attached to it, something that makes you feel scared or dirty or threatened or angry or excited or proud or apprehensive, when you attach an emotion that makes your body feel it, then it sticks. It stays around a little longer because it grabbed your attention. But this is especially true when you have a thought that is dark or that is scary, and these are what we call intrusive thoughts, and they will freak you out if you give them too much attention. But, to be sure, the dark, scary ones have already grabbed your attention. So when you notice that you have a thought that has you thinking that there's something evil or wrong with you, you might have this thought oh my God, why would anyone's sane or decent ever think something that horrible? So this could be something like if you, let's say, you have a thought that is violent, and even though these intrusive thoughts which can be really things that we wouldn't even - I mean, people make movies about these or write horrible, horrible narratives about these things and when one of those thoughts flies into your head and you're like, oh my gosh, I could never even admit to somebody that I had this thought, because they would think that I was dangerous, they would think I was an awful human being, they would like, never want to be around me again. Those kinds of thoughts grab your attention, of course, and once they do, you start checking on yourself. Another example of this might be if you start to question yourself and your safety or everyone who's around you, you start thinking I am going insane. So, for example, I've had this one multiple times.

Speaker 2:

So, to be clear, intrusive thoughts can be reoccurring. You can have the same thought over and over again. And it's just because you noticed it and were like what the hell did I think that for? So sometimes, when I am making dinner and I am chopping vegetables, I'll think I could cut my fingers off right now, or I could stab myself with this knife right now and I'm never going to cut my fingers off on purpose or stab myself, but I'm always like what the hell, Megan, why would you even think that? And then I just kind of laugh it off and move on with making dinner. But if you think, why would I think those things

Speaker 2:

unless something is wrong with me or unless I'm losing my mind, then you start to question your own sanity, when, in fact, your brain just came up with something because brains are going to think. And when you're already stressed out or on edge, or when you start buying into that, then they're going to come with stories to explain how you feel. Or you know this is oh, I noticed that you feel anxious. So let me come up with some ideas about why your body feels this way. Or I can tell you're stressed out, it's probably because of this, but it's just a thought, when, in all actuality, your brain is just coming up with ways to keep you safe, and sometimes the way to keep you safe is to scare you. You can start questioning your you know who you are as a person or what you would do, but that doesn't mean any of it's true.

Speaker 2:

Okay, and maybe you might also think I have this intrusive thought it's probably a premonition All of a sudden I'm psychic or clairvoyant or whatever you want to say, even though I've never had this ability in my life. But, oh my God, what if I actually do that thought? What if I actually? What if I had that? Because it's going to happen? What if I thought this horrible thing because it's a warning. But the fact that you're horrified by the thought or scared of the thought tells us that it's not who you are, but that it's a thought that scares you because it's in direct like contradiction of who you are. Because if you don't want to do it and you won't do it, it's just a thought. But if you have a thought and you're intrigued by it or you get excited about it, that's entirely different. That would be a problem for sure, and that is not at all what I am talking about today.

Speaker 2:

I am talking about the thoughts that are so dark and violent and disgusting that you're like, oh my God, what if that's something I would do? Why would I think that if I wouldn't do it? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And you spiral into it. But it's freaking you out because it horrifies you.

Speaker 2:

That's an intrusive thought and you can tell that you're revolted by it and that you're pushing away. When you pay attention to your body and you notice how your body reacts, am I disgusted, am I horrified? That's an intrusive thought and it's a sneaky one, and these happen really frequently with people who are anxious, people who have OCD, people who are incredibly stressed out, who are exhausted to the point where their brain is not thinking clearly. That's where we see these happen, and the good news is that you don't have to give that a minute more attention at all, because the more you get worked up and afraid of the thought, the more that you can be sure that your body is going to react and the more you're going to pay attention to it. But it's just intrusive. So what you might notice is that when you have a thought that gets your attention like that, you end up thinking the same thought again and again, and again.

Speaker 2:

But really, here's the truth. That day where you're like I had this intrusive thought, it snuck in, it scared me to death. I want to remind you that that was one thought out of 60,000 about thoughts for that day. It's just one out of 60,000 and it grabbed your attention because it made you feel a negative emotion, because if it were a happy emotion, you probably wouldn't barely have noticed it and let it go Like thanks for the compliment, and then we just move on. Half the time it's just the ones that feel negative, that feel dangerous, that your brain feels like it has to solve for.

Speaker 2:

But that's not necessarily the truth, since it was the exact opposite of what you want to do or think. It's stuck and these thoughts are common. Like I said, it's not something that's just you. It doesn't make you a bad human, it makes you a human with a brain. They come in out of nowhere. They're usually in direct contrast to what you would ever do or say or want, which means that they don't deserve more than two seconds of your time, one second to think the thought and another second to call it out as only a thought. And that's the first step of what I want you to do.

Speaker 2:

If you notice you're in a time chunk and I notice with myself sometimes that if my hormones are jacked up, if I've got a lot going on in my life, that's when I'll notice, I'll have an interest of thought. And I remember having these when I was little. You guys, it's not something that's just been happening. I can remember when I was little thinking, oh, something is wrong with me. Why would I think that? Nothing, nothing, it was just a thought. I wish I would have known that when I was little.

Speaker 2:

You know, I think people should tell kids when they're little oh, you don't have to believe everything you think. I feel like we make them question themselves. Or maybe it was just me. But just notice that, oh well, that's a thought. That's one thought out of 60,000. That's one thought. And when you can call it just a thought, that breaks the cycle right there. So we take one second to notice that it was a thought and one second to call the thought only a thought. After you notice the thought, I want you to go back to whatever it is that you were doing For me. It might be chopping vegetables, it might be changing the song on the radio. It might be I was cleaning the toilet, whatever it was you were doing when you had an intrusive thought.

Speaker 2:

Oh well, that's one thought, that one's kind of scary, and then just go back to what you were doing and do not. Do not spend any more time thinking about whatever it is that grabbed your attention, even and especially if you notice that it made you feel anxious, if you notice the thought immediately triggered your nervous system. That's one thought. Go back to what you were doing and exhale, or practice a grounding technique that you have, because the sooner you let the intrusive thought go, the less likely your brain is to make it bigger and worse and for you to buy into it and get yourself all worked up into an anxiety state that could last for an hour or two hours or two days, depending on how long you want it to go. And guys I know this can feel, in the moment, like it's necessary that you give this thought energy. It is not. The faster you let it go, the faster it goes away. This can be really difficult if you're dealing with OCD, because those thoughts can make you want to create a reaction to keep yourself safe, and I'm going to challenge you here to not do that action. It might be so for some people it might be like I have to do this one thing to make sure that everything's fine. I need to go check and make sure the front door is locked, or whatever it is for you. If that's an issue for you, one of the things you want to do is to challenge yourself to delay that action. Whatever that action is for you, I need to call my mom and make sure everything's okay. I need to lock the door. I need to - I don't know, whatever that is. If you can stop that, you're also taking the power of that thought away because your brain isn't seeing that it has to do something to keep you safe. And that's something that I coach on with a lot of people, whether they're anxious like, I need to Google something. So I have a thought and then I have to Google, because sometimes those intrusive thoughts can have, can have something to do with your health or your sanity or whatever it is that you think is happening. But Googling is a common response for people. It could be like I need to check my body for lumps and bumps. It could be I need to.

Speaker 2:

, like I said, whatever it is for you, whatever it is that you think that you need to do, I'm going to challenge you not to do that thing, because doing the thing tells your brain there was actually something wrong, when there really wasn't anything wrong other than you had a thought. Okay, to learn how you can really make these go down even more, to have less frequent intrusive thoughts, you really have to start to manage your overall stress and anxiety so that you can trust yourself to be the person that you know that you are, because I'm pretty sure that psycho killers and people who are doing like crazy, crazy things aren't thinking, oh gosh, I don't want to do that. They're excited by it, and that's really the difference. You have to learn to trust yourself and to be able to say 'oh, this sometimes happens to me', so you're not the person that's going to go stab themselves or chop off their fingers on purpose. You're just a person who was stressed out, whose brain went crazy. Okay, and that's really what coaching can help you with.

Speaker 2:

Let's talk about the things that are keeping you stressed out and keyed up. Let's talk about those anxious thoughts that you have or those anxious triggers that you notice in your life, so we can start taking the power away from those triggers and from what you think it means about you or about what's wrong with you or what you fear is wrong with you. Let's work on those things. Let's work on building your confidence so that you know that, oh my gosh, I've got this, I can do these things that I'm freaking out, that I can't do. Let's work on really loving who you are and changing your behaviors so that you aren't always reinforcing the thoughts with the behavior. So when I work with people who are really trying to level up their career, and their thoughts are you have to keep doing these things over and over again because people think that you're terrible at your job. Or if I'm working with somebody who is compulsively doing something like checking their phone I talked a lot about this in an episode a few weeks ago when I talked about trying to detox from dopamine and I feel compelled to check my phone, not necessarily because of intrusive thoughts, but because of that compulsion. So if those sound like things that you're dealing with that's what I help people solve you can talk with me one-on-one.

Speaker 2:

It's super simple to do. You're just going to go to the show notes and find the spot where it says schedule a consultation call. Here, the consultation call is just a phone call between you and me, where you tell me what's up. What are you struggling with? Is it thinking that you're not good enough? Is it overworking so that you're waking up in the middle of the night to do a project that you should have just left at work? Are you struggling to hold boundaries so that you are not people pleasing and not giving away all of your time with your partner or your kids or to take care of yourself? Or maybe you're just questioning what the heck you're doing with your life and you need some ideas on how to move forward because you feel so defeated. That's okay.

Speaker 2:

We can talk about all those things and, of course, we can talk about intrusive thoughts and how to stop believing those and to start trusting yourself. So you just click the link where it says schedule the consultation call and it'll pull up my calendar. You grab yours and you pick a time that works for you and then you call me. We'll talk about what you want, we'll talk about what you're experiencing now and we'll come up with some ideas on what really needs to happen and change to be able to get you there. And then, at the end of the call, if you decide you want to say yes to coaching, that's great.

Speaker 2:

If you decide you don't want to do coaching right now, that's okay too. You get to decide. You're not committing yourself. We're not getting married here. We're just talking about how you can feel better and what you need to move forward. I hope this was helpful and that you feel better. If you've had intrusive thoughts, that you understand what's going on, that you're not going crazy and nothing is wrong with you and that you really can just let them go and that you do not have to believe that thought. All right, if I don't talk to you on a consultation call this week, I will be back next week with another episode, take care.