Ep 49 - Back To School Anxiety In Mom's and Students

Back-to-School Anxiety: Actionable Steps to a Calmer School Year

Is back-to-school season making you or your kids feel stressed and anxious? You're not alone. In this episode of the More Than Anxiety Podcast, host Megan Devito shares her expert advice on navigating the pressures of a new school year.

Drawing on her experience as a teacher and a mom, Megan explores the top anxiety triggers for students, from academic pressure and social worries to time management and performance anxiety. She offers practical, simple strategies to help you or your teenager prepare for a year of success, helping you feel more confident, calm, and ready to take on new challenges.

Tune in to learn how to manage stress effectively, set realistic goals, and create lasting change that lead to more calm, confidence, and presence.. For more personalized support, visit megandevito.com/workwithme. Megan works individually with high-achieving women, helping them learn new habits they can pass on to their kids.

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Transcript

Welcome to the More Than Anxiety Podcast. I'm Megan Devito and I'm a life coach for stressed out and anxious women who want more out of life. I'm here to help you create a life you love to live, where anxiety is holding you back, get ready for a light hearted approach to managing anxiety through actionable steps, a lot of truth talk and inspiration to take action so you walk away feeling competent, calm and ready to live. Let's get to it. 
Welcome to Episode 49 of the More Than Anxiety podcast. If this is your first time listening, my name is Megan and I'm a life coach for women who are stressed out and anxious, and really full of big goals and plans that they just can't quite reach because anxiety is always in the way. So I help people learn how to calm their bodies and their minds, and really start doing the things by finding new ways of dealing with how they feel and what they think. And it is my pleasure to be here talking with you today about back to school anxiety and teenagers. 
I'm recording this episode at the beginning of August of 2023; just over a year out of my own classroom. I was a teacher on and off for about 20 years, and I'm a mom of four kids, so this episode will probably be a mix of what it's like as a teacher, and what it's like as a mom, and what it was like for me as a super anxious student back when I was in school. And I'll also sprinkle in some stories about teenagers that I've coached and taught. So if you're listening as a parent, or as a caregiver, or a teacher, or as a student, this episode is going to be for you. You might have noticed that I said the teens that I coach, and I do still coach teenagers. And guys, if you're listening, you're welcome to reach out to me about coaching as well. 
All of that being said, I want to start this episode by inviting you to hit pause right now and schedule a consultation call with me before we go any further because everything I'm going to talk about in this episode today can be applied to your own anxious thoughts. Because even when we worry about as anxious people can be different, the way that you address it is the same. And we'll talk about your particular flavor of anxiety, what you're doing now to try to feel better and what you need to do instead. You can schedule that call by going to my website, it's megandevito.com/workwithme, or just go to the show notes and click the link there. So hit pause, do that come right back, because I'm gonna go ahead and keep going. 
So let's go ahead and get started. I've talked often about the incredible increase in anxiety for kids and teenagers and adults and one way we see this particularly in middle school or high school students, and also in college students, is heading back to the classroom. Interestingly enough, this also lines up with a huge exodus of teachers who are also incredibly overworked and underpaid and stressed out and burnt out and just totally over it. Back to School anxiety is a common experience in all of these different groups, and I'm focusing this episode on the students, but remember, if you are listening, you will find areas in your own life where this information can be applied. Even as a parent, even if you were a corporate exec, or any other job, the transition from a relaxed summer break, where the social pressure, or the athletic pressure, and the academic pressure is off and back to the demands of life as a student in 2023 can trigger feelings of stress and anxiety. Even before you've gone back to campus or back to the classroom. There are as many unique situations as there are kids as to why someone might feel anxious or stressed but I'm going to start by sharing some common reasons why middle school and high school students, and college students in particular might feel anxious or experienced that feeling of anxiety about going back to school. And I'm going to share some strategies on how they can cope with it. I also want to emphasize that the best time to start handling the stress and the anxiety is now before the homework and the extracurriculars and the sports and Instagram all get out of control. We can ease in and I know some people are already back to sports, that's okay. It's always the best time to start is now right or you know, before, but it's impossible to go backwards. So managing that stress and those anxious thoughts before they get out of control and before kids start missing class or complaining of feeling sick, and really spiraling mix, changing the thoughts that they have about school or the habits that they create so much easier to break. So if your kids have already gone back, now's the time to help them start to learn how they can manage stress and find out what's making them anxious. And if they're heading back in the next few weeks. Now's the time to get a jump on what they're anticipating that might trip them up this year. I can help them come up with a plan to handle all those thoughts and fears that they could have before they become a problem. 
So let's talk about what really.. let's really understand what back to School anxiety is first. So we know where we're going back to school anxiety is just worrying in advance about what might happen once you're back in the classroom, back into school, back on campus back at practice, seeing on social media, whatever it is. It's the thoughts that students have about what they fear will happen in the upcoming school year. So I coached the young lady a few years ago, on her fears about fitting in as a freshman, and everything from what she wanted to wear, to hoping that her teachers liked her, and that the upperclassmen would accept her. And I coached another student athlete that was anxious about the pressure that she felt to be exceptional on her volleyball team, about being afraid that she would mess up and about getting the grades that she wanted, so that she could play volleyball in college. And in another case, I coached a teen on feeling like she was misunderstood and weird, who wondered where she fit, and if people understood that she's smart, because she was just too anxious to speak up. And she struggled to say what she wanted to say, and to do presentations, because of that feeling of anxiousness. And when she struggled to get up in front of people, she just felt more anxious and stressed out. All of these different ways are totally normal, and there are a million different ways. I happened to give examples of three girls. The same holds true for guys. The guys that I coach experienced the same kind of anxieties. What will people think of me? What if I mess up? What if I'm not good enough? What if I see things I don't like on social media; there's a lot going on. But all three of those girls had similar symptoms as well. Similar physical symptoms, and maybe similar thoughts, because that's just how anxiety works. 
The way you feel inside of your body is specific to you. But the actual feelings tend to be pretty common. So if you're a teenager, or if you notice that you're grouchy, or you're on edge and almost ready to cry, if you have lots of stomach aches, or you feel nauseous, if you're tense, and you get headaches, if your hands and feet or even your insides are shaking, if your heart suddenly jumps and starts to pump faster, or your arms and legs feel heavy or even weak, if you feel like you can't breathe or swallow, you are not alone; this is all normal. And you might not feel all of those things and someone else might feel different things than you, but every single one of those things is normal. So they're all common anxiety feelings that make your brain start telling stories about what it thinks could possibly be wrong. The more you think about what might be wrong, the more you're going to feel those anxious feelings. And the more you feel anxious, the more your brain is going to think, 
Oh, my little microphone, boom thing just fell into my lap. 
So the more that you feel anxious, the more your brain will think. And when you're anxious in class, and you're focusing on how you feel, or what you're afraid will happen on the test, or at lunch, or on the field, the more you'll feel anxious. It's just a cycle that keeps going until you find something else to focus on. And I know that seems really simple to say, focus on the teacher:  isn't your teacher supposed to be teaching you?! But that's really not that easy, is it? The teacher isn't dangerous. And unless you're anxious about your teacher, and you might be, your thoughts feel dangerous inside your body, so your brain isn't just going to let go and focus on math, or reading, or history, or whatever. It's going to focus on what it thinks is dangerous and those feelings are what it thinks are dangerous. If it were that simple, my job would be a lot simpler and people truly could just get over it. And we all know how well it works when somebody says 'you're fine, just get over it'. It doesn't work at all. 
So I shared these situations, but just like there are a lot of common symptoms, there are also a lot of common triggers for back to school anxiety. So keep in mind that these triggers are not a complete list, okay. It's just a list of common things that kids are living with, that makes them think and feel anxious. Your experience or your kids experience could fall into one of these categories, or they might feel something totally different and that's 100% okay, and normal, because what they think is what they think. And we can move into that on a consultation call. But here are some of the biggest triggers that cause kids to feel anxious about going back to school. Are you ready? 
Number one academic pressure. When kids go from middle school to high school, suddenly their grades matter a lot more. Those middle school grades aren't showing up on transcripts for colleges, but the high school ones are. And when you're in college and you're trying to get the degree that you want so maybe you can go into a master's program or get the best job, suddenly those grades matter. The coursework is also challengin. It's harder, oh my gosh, it is so much harder than it was when I was in school. When I look at what kids are learning, when I remember what I was teaching just over a year ago, compared to what I was learning, it's more! It's increased. It's heavier. It's more challenging and so is the pressure to be excellent. It's not just get good grades, because you should get good grades, it's get good grades because of the expectations of what you need to do to get the job that you want to be successful, of what other people will think of you. That pressure to excel is incredibly huge and this can lead to anxiety about grades, yes, but also about tests, or how am I going to get all of my work done? What about all these assignments? Do I really understand? Am I keeping up? 
Academic pressure is huge, but just as equally huge, because of the age that these kids are in, especially middle schoolers and high schoolers, and maybe not so much college kids at this point, but the social pressure. Students are worrying about making friends, their friends are more important than their parents right now. I'm sorry, Mom, I'm in the same boat as you. I have a freshman in high school, and I have a junior in high school and I am second at this point. They love me a lot, but they don't necessarily like me. But they also love their friends and they do like their friends, and their friends are very important to their development right now. So they might worry about making friends, or having enough friends, or getting in a fight with their friends, or fitting in with the group they want to fit in. And there are a ton of high pressure social situations, especially if they're going from middle school to high school, or high school to college. Especially if they're going to a different school. Especially if they don't know who is going to be in their class. And they think they have to wear certain kind of clothes. They think they have to like a certain kind of music. They think they have to know all the things that are happening on social media, but not really care what's happening on social media, even though it is incredibly influential. My kids have downtime. I set it on their phone; they don't like it at all. I'm pretty lenient in the summer, but when school starts, it's on lock. Like, downtime is happening. Less social media, because that pressure that social pressure is an enormous influence on anxiety, depression. Okay, be aware that that pressure is real. You can say, 'Oh, you don't need to worry about what they think,' but they're going to worry about what they think because that's where they are developmentally. 
Okay, another thing that can cause your kid to feel really anxious about going back to school as managing their time. This is also part of your brain development. This is a frontal lobe issue, and their brains aren't all the way developed yet. So when they're trying to balance schoolwork, and extracurricular, whether it's sports, or choir, or different clubs, or a job, and their personal life, that's overwhelming. They might not, they might think they won't be able to manage their time effectively, and they really might not manage their time effectively. They may underestimate how much time it's going to take for homework and overestimate how much time they have to go out and play basketball after school. They might forget that they have assignments, because they got all wrapped up in skateboarding. Whatever that looks like they need help and trying to learn how to manage your time and then flipping out because you don't have enough of it is normal. And it also makes them anxious, just the same as it makes us anxious and frustrated moms and dads. It is frustrating for everybody, but they're learning and they are anxious about it. There's a lot going on and a lot for them to be involved in. There are more extra curriculars and more really heavy time commitments outside of the classroom than there were when we were younger. That's just the way it is. Club  sports, school, sports, all the activities that they're in. They don't have a lot of time to sit around and be bored and maybe that's what they need. But again, boredom can also make them feel anxious. So that's for a different episode, though. 
Okay, the next one is performance anxiety. And this anxiety comes from a fear of not meeting expectations. It might be their own expectations. Remember, I talked to you about the volleyball player who was afraid that she wouldn't be good enough? Those were her expectations. Those weren't necessarily her coaches, or her teammates, or anyone else's. But the coaches expectations could also be part of performance anxiety. And so could what the rest of the team expects, or what the teachers expect, or what the parents expect, or what social media expects. It can be how much should I participate in class? What else should I be involved in? What if I'm not good enough? What if I can't keep up? That's a big one. 
Changes in routine can make them feel anxious. You know what it's like when you're on vacation for a week and then you come back and there's that job there that you kind of forgot that you had to do while you're on vacation? And suddenly, you're like, 'oh, wait a minute. I have to get up in the morning again. I can't stay up super late. I can't do these things.' So going back to school often means shifting from a really nice, relaxed summer schedule, to a structured school schedule. That's hard. It's especially hard if you are a middle school or high schooler, especially in high schooler, because their bodies, their circadian rhythm kind of flips. So when we get frustrated, and trust me, I get super frustrated with my son right now, because he stays up late, and he sleeps late, that's just the way they're programmed right now. I don't know why I can't stand it. But it's real, it's biology, they really are programmed to stay up late and sleep late. Unfortunately, that's also not the way life works, they have to get up and go to school and that's a hard transition, especially when you're fighting against what might be a normal rhythm change for them. Don't worry, they outgrow it. But for right now that's rough, they're tired, when you're tired, you're more anxious, they don't really want to get up and go to school, because it's not that much fun for some of them. And for others, they're excited and still anxious. But that change in routine can be difficult, and it can make them feel anxious and stressed out and exceptionally grouchy and tired. 
Okay, the next one is peer pressure. Middle school and high school students especially can experience pressure to just do whatever the standard is that their peers set. This can make them anxious if they feel like they don't fit in, if they're trying to be pressured to do things that they're uncomfortable with or that they just don't like. If all of their friends decide to go out and join the lacrosse team and they're like, 'I don't like sports. I just want to join the eSports club.' Or, 'I want to join choir', and their friends are suddenly kind of ignoring them, that's a lot of pressure to do something they don't want to do. And forget about the fact that they're going to be exposed to different parties and different social situations that they may not want to be involved in, and they may have to figure out how to tell their friends No. That can be really uncomfortable and a lot of stress and pressure. You can set up situations to help that easier for them. For me at our house, the answer is Mom always gets to take the blame and blame me for anything. I don't care, blame me. You want to leave a party because it's where you shouldn't be, "Crap, you guys. My mom's a jerk. I have to leave." Fine, say it. I don't care. Just go set it up: set them up for that because they are anxious about how they're going to get out of a situation and save face. 
Body image concerns. Okay? Adolescents worry about how they look. Even when they look beautiful, they're just gonna look more beautiful and try harder. Or if they feel like they feel look like they're not supposed to look, they can push back and try and make themselves look more isolated, to not be noticed. But when they're worried about how they look, this can make them feel anxious, and it can make them pull away or join groups that they don't necessarily fit with.
Bullying. Bullying is a huge one. Concerns about what people are going to say about them at school can come from what people have actually said about them at school. Bullying happens, and it's not flushing their head in the toilet and giving them a swirly. I feel like that's such a 1980s cliche. Like, when you go to high school, you're gonna get your head flushed down the toilet.I don't know anyone that ever happened to. But I remember being terrified it was going to happen because it happened in movies. But bullying happens not just face to face anymore, too. We know this right? Parents, you know this. They're bullied on social media. They're bullied it... like by text. Keep an eye on this. Because when they are facing bullying, or teasing, or harassment from their friends, they're not going to want to go to school. They're going to feel sick. They're going to find reasons to stay home or to come home. And this happens. It happens a lot. And some school systems handle it very well. And others don't handle it for crap. But when your kid says they're being bullied, get clear on what's going on and go in and have that conversation with the school; with the administrators, and let them know that this is why the kids not coming to school. And help your kid find ways to cope and to really feel good about themselves to feel confident and to understand that that bullying won't be tolerated. Give them what they need to be successful. And that sometimes means getting them away from whoever is bullying or harassing them. 
This might seem like a big one, or this might seem like a silly one. I'm sorry, NOT a big one. This might feel like something that happens when they're toddlers, but I guarantee you that the time that I experienced this next one the most was when I was in college. And this is separation anxiety. So some students might really struggle leaving their home and their family, particularly if they're going to go to a new school or they're going to head off to college. This is not just a toddler thing. This is very much a security thing. And we saw such an increase in this after the pandemic, 'I don't want to leave my house', 'I don't know if it's safe.' 'I'm afraid to be by myself, but I've been by myself so much that I'm also afraid to be around people'. These thoughts about what can happen if you're separated from your family, or you're outside your home are real and they cause big time anxiety. So if you have a kid that's going to a new school, or you have a kid who's going off to college, and all of a sudden they're crying, and calling home a lot and clingy and not wanting to go anywhere, check in with them, because separation anxiety happens in older kids too. We think about when we're gonna go out for dinner and the babysitter is there and they're clinging to us maybe, but that's not always... that doesn't end there. Big kids get separation anxiety, too. And so to adults. Mom, if you're feeling pretty anxious about your baby going off to college, I've been there. I told you that I have a freshman and a junior in high school. I also have two kids, one just graduated, well, they both just graduated from college. One in four years and one or two years, so I've done the college thing too mom. Separation anxiety when your baby goes to college for the first time is no joke. Be prepared to think weird things like I wonder if they ate dinner. I wonder if they have like, clean underwear. I wonder if they need me to call and check. I think I'm just gonna say good night just one more time. I did it. And it's okay, you can do that. They actually like it too. 
And finally, uncertainty, if they don't know what's up, if it's a new school year and they've got an all new schedule, and all new teachers, and all new subjects, and all new challenges, and all new practice times, of course, they're anxious because anxiety is based on uncertainty and control. If they don't feel like they have control, and they don't know what's up, they're going to feel anxious, and this is normal. And some of this really subsides after the first couple of days of school, and sometimes it lingers longer than that. Maybe they still feel like 'I don't know where I fit'. 'I don't know what's going on'. 'I feel like it's too much'. Yes, that's normal and it's still uncomfortable, and it can still be hard to deal with. And if they get used to that feeling of uncertainty, that's when they can get into a bad habit. 
So when I think back when I was in school, even in elementary school, but especially in junior high or high school, that pressure to fit in and to be thin and athletic was huge. And I was a big kid, and I wasn't particularly athletic. And I didn't do a sport after the eighth grade, because we didn't have a pool at my high school. I was an average swimmer, but I really, really loved it and that went away. And since I was already self conscious about how I looked, I wasn't even about ready to put myself out there and try something that I wasn't sure I wasn't going to suck at. So I really liked to be good at things and I won't try new things if I don't know, I'm already good at them. I'm learning but I wasn't ready to do that because I was pretty sure I would suck. And on top of that my cousin was an amazing basketball player. Like she was actually kind of Indiana famous, and some people thought she was my sister because we looked similar. And my thought was, like, people would say, 'oh my gosh, are you gonna play basketball like your sister?' And my thought was, oh, hell no! I can't play basketball. And she is way too good. And I'm not even gonna go there. So when you add a really intense health anxiety on top of that, which was my life at that point, I didn't love school guys. I hated it, actually. I mean, I did not want to be there. Except for that my friends were there. And how do I explain this? ...I didn't want to be there, but I did want to be there. But for me, if I had an opportunity to go home, I was going to take it. Does that makes sense? But then I was ... it was time for me to go to college, and that is really when everything fell apart for me because home was my safe place. And my parents were my safe people, so leaving for college really triggered me in lots of different ways. And I didn't have the tools or the knowledge to deal with it. So you guys are already 10 steps ahead of me from this podcast episode. Like information on the internet, loads of opportunities to get help, and this is definitely an internet plus thing, right? There might be a lot of bad things about the internet, but having this information and all of these resources to help you or to help your kids right now in this day and age is priceless. Like I wish I would have had this in high school and college because they didn't. So I tell you this because I want you to know that if you or your student have a trigger and maybe not just one trigger, because they could likely ... I mean they very well could have several triggers, and it can make it feel like life is coming at them from all sides. So let's say they're anxious about driving to school, or about what people will think. And then they're anxious about what they're wearing just as soon as they walk in. 'Is everyone looking at me?' 'Where do I fit?' 'What about the syllabus?' 'Who's in my class?' 'That kid was a jerk to me last year.' 'I don't know where to sit in the lunchroom.' 'I heard stories about this teacher.' 'And then I have practice after school'.' And what if I don't make the team?' 'And then I have to be able to keep up.' 'And what if I don't do good job in my class?' That's a lot! And don't forget that you have to get get good grades on top of all of that. So even though your brain is locked down, make sure you can think really clearly. Sometimes it's difficult and sometimes it's impossible to think, and we have to give them the reprieve to be able to be successful at school, and at home, and in what they really just love to do for fun. 
So how are we going to do that? You maybe... maybe you already have ways to cope and that is fantastic. I love that and I hope those ways that you're dealing with are better than the ways that I used when I was dealing with anxiety when I was in college, because I can't imagine having to doom scroll social media, and then having legal access to weed as part of my life when I was in college. That would have been a catastrophe. So to be clear, I love social media and I think it's great. It's a great way to unwind from time to time, and I am not opposed to the legalization of marijuana, I am just saying that neither of those things is going to solve your problem of feeling anxious. In fact, those will feel really, really good for a little tiny bit. And in my experience, they will both come back to bite you in no time. So both doom scrolling social media and smoking weed to feel better, have been known to make you feel more anxious and depressed. Focusing on what you're afraid of and telling yourself that you're anxious will make you more anxious. Repeating the same habits to avoid the things that make you feel anxious, and not solving the problems will make you more anxious. So I could share all of the coping mechanisms here that would be good or bad, but you guys have Google for that. And you have a ton of people. And the people that I coach have a list on hand that they already know sometimes when they show up to a consultation. So you know how to breathe. Or you might know that you can do that 12345 method where you find one thing that you can see, or smell, or taste, or touch, or feel; you just go through your five senses. Or you might journal, or you might work out. And you might have an unhealthy way that works for you to feel better. I don't need to go there right now. Instead, I want to give you some steps that will actually get to the root of the problem and help you or help your teenager. 
First. And always you're always invited to a consultation call to learn how you can work with me one on one. This is where the you get the best results and you get those personalized strategies.I also want to give you actions that you can start doing right now to help you if you choose to keep working towards knocking out your anxiety or your stress on your own. You guys can do this, it might take longer, and it might be more trial and error, but you can do these strategies on your own and they will work. 
So here's one thing you can do right now; Prepare in advance. Familiarize yourself with your schedule and I don't just mean get excited and see who's in your class; although, that's always great to know that you have somebody in there with you know. Your schedule... your classroom schedule, but also know what time you need to get up in the morning, and what time you need to go to bed, and what time practices after school. And start trying to figure out how you can take some of the pressure off to get things done, and still do what you want to do. Because this is going to reduce that fear of the unknown. And it's going to help you balance that time that time management that sometimes is tricky. 
Decide what you want the year to be about and how you want to feel and then focus your brain every single day until it catches on. Okay, you have to decide what you want your year to be about. Show your brain what you want to see, instead of what feels scary or what isn't working. This takes practice, but it absolutely will change your brain. Your brain is always learning anyway, you just need to show it where you want it to go or it's gonna go what makes you feel the biggest emotion and usually it's that negative emotion that's trying to keep you from being hurt or killed, because your brain is super dramatic. 
All right, the next one stay organized. Use planners or use apps on your phone. I like paper planners and colored pens because, I don't know, maybe it's like a flashback from my childhood. But use a planner or an app and manage your time and those tasks effectively. Okay, this can just help you lower your stress level and help you not forget things. Write stuff down and cross it off. Cross it off like 'heck yeah, that is done!' Just like scribble it out. But stay organized. Know what your things are. Maybe, maybe you wanna lay your clothes out the night before. So you don't have to freak out in the morning about what you're supposed to wear. Maybe you're like, 'I always forget that I have this thing do on Tuesday.' Write it on your calendar every single Monday afternoon, right now; just write it on there every single time. 
Practice relaxing. I don't mean practice watching TV. I mean, I want you to practice like sitting there and looking up at the sky or walking in the woods, or taking you know, going and working out. Working out is relaxing if you're doing something that takes your mind off of the pressure of your sport. So for example, if you are a football player, and practice is great, and you love the sport, but there's a lot of pressure there, don't play football to relax. Go play a game a pig in the driveway, or go for a jog, or roller skate or swim. Do something else. Do something to relax. Breathe, just sit and breathe. That's relaxing. Color; get a coloring book and color. Paint, draw, play with playdough, spread shaving cream on a cookie sheet and finger paint. Remember when were really little and that was fun. Do that again. That's relaxing. But make that a priority. 
Okay, set realistic goals break down what you want into three goals, just three, not 10. Ten is too many. And then let's just make that into smaller steps. This is going to help you focus on managing the tasks rather than feeling overwhelmed by this like, 'oh my god, I have all these things due,' because that's a lot. Brains freak out on those things. 
Next, take care of yourself. Please make sure that you if you're not in a sport, make sure you're getting some exercise. Make sure you're sleeping even though I know you have better things to do right now than sleep sleep. Take care of your physical health by eating foods that are not full with junk. I like to tell people that if you if it had like sunshine, and rain on it, and dirt on it, you should eat that, right? Apples, bananas, carrots and ranch. Real food. I know ramen is delicious. I know Doritos are delicious. I'm not saying don't ever eat him again, but make sure you're actually eating foods that give you nutrition, because that's really what it's for anyway. 
Take a shower, make yourself feel good. Take a shower and put on clothes that make you feel powerful. Clothes are not trivial. I'm not saying they have to be expensive. I'm saying that when you wear clothes that make you feel confident, you act confident and you feel confident. That is self care. 
Okay, and the next one is ask for help. Don't keep feeling anxious just because you feel anxious. You do not have to feel that way. I can help you, your counselor at school can help you. She can refer you, he can refer you, to other people that can help you. A therapist can help you. But do not stay anxious because the longer you stay anxious, the longer you have to form those anxious habits and you don't want to be there. It feels awful. I was there. I know how it feels. Parents, they don't need to stay there. You can find help for them and I am begging you to find help for them, because that anxiety is overwhelming and it tears them down inside before it comes out. 
You can ask me for help. I absolutely will do a consultation call with you and if I am not the coach for you, I will straight up tell you, 'hey, you need to find somebody else'. 'We need to talk about therapy.' 'We need to talk about going to the doctor.' 'You just need to find a coach that specializes in this thing that your kids anxious about.' If I can help you, I will absolutely offer to help you, but you have to schedule a consultation call though to even get that far. 
Okay. So here's what I do:  If you choose to reach out and ask me, I'm going to help your teenagers set realistic goals. This is the same for college kids by the way. We're going to talk about what is important to you. What are three goals that you want to achieve, not 10, not one, three! That gives us a way to not focus only on one thing, but also not to focus on too many things at once. We're going to talk about how not to be a perfectionist. We're going to talk about how to make mistakes as you learn because we have to make mistakes to grow. And we're going to celebrate every time they have a small victory so that those build up and they feel more confident to go after the bigger goals. I'm going to help them learn how to embrace change and uncertainty. Kids if you're listening like I say kids, I don't mean kids like five and eight year olds, I mean if you're a middle school, high school or in college person... I'm 47, so you are a kid to me. Okay, we're going to talk about change and uncertainty. We're going to talk about the change is part of life. And sometimes your friend group will change, and your schedule will change, and your school might change, and what you love to do might change, and that's okay. We're going to embrace it. We're going to talk about getting outside of your comfort zone. Somewhere along the line, somebody came up with this idea that you should feel comfortable all the time, and that is a lie. All big and amazing things will feel uncomfortable and your brain will freak out for a minute because it's supposed to. That's what happens. I'm also going to give you some tips on how to adapt to new routines and new environments, so that you feel good. So that we can say instead of being like, 'Oh, God, I'm feel really anxious'. We can say, 'Oh, wait, I feel really excited'. They feel the exact same way. We're gonna learn how to manage anxiety no matter where you are. If you are in the middle of a presentation, if you are on, you know, if you're on the blocks at a swim meet, if you are sitting in class; you guys can totally shut that down without anybody ever even knowing you're anxious. I teach kids, I teach adults, I teach everybody I come in contact with this all the time. It is simple, you can do it, and nobody will know. I've done it while I'm driving. And you can do it too. 
Alright, when you learn how to do those things, when you start going after your goals, and you know how anxiety feels in your body and how to regulate it, and how to get yourself back, like outside of your thoughts and into where you are in the moment inside your body, you get to feel confident that you can speak up in class, hat you can try new activities and sports that you can set whole boundaries, even with your best friend, you're going to not have to miss so much school. And when you're at school, you actually get better grades. And you have to try as hard because you don't have to learn it on your own. You're going to be more organized and be able to focus. You're not going to feel so emotionally charged all the time, and you can learn to do hard and uncomfortable things, and have it be fun. And that's what gets you towards achieving your goals. 
Okay, this is a lot of information in this episode, but I hope that just knowing certain things that might trigger you, whether you're a student, or a parent, or a caregiver, or an aunt, or a neighbor, or like somebody who's listening to this, who is in contact with a student. And maybe you're a teacher, and you needed to hear this. Wherever you are, if you are feeling anxious about back to school, I want you to know that your triggers are normal, you're normal, anxiety is normal. And you don't have to stay feeling that way. You have strategies all over the internet that can help you feel better and I can help you move past even further than those strategies on the internet by helping you get organized, by helping you create and achieve goals, by helping you be able to put down boundaries and to really feel confident about change and growth. All right, you guys. This was a fun one for me to be able to record and I think it was a little bit long. So thanks for hanging in here with me. I hope this was incredibly helpful. Don't forget to schedule your consultation call. If you're heading back soon, I hope you have a great first day. If you've already gone back, if your kids have already gone back, I hope they're loving the school year so far. I will be back again next week if I don't talk to you before. 

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The More Than Anxiety podcast. Be sure to subscribe and leave a review so others can easily find this resource as well. And of course, if you're ready to feel more relaxed, have more energy, more confidence and a lot more fun go to megandevito.com/workwithme or just the show notes to talk to me more about coaching. See you soon